"I'm already sorry I was ever born!"

Eric Forman

Red: What you got there, Eric?
Eric: Beer... I found it... just sitting... you know... around.
Red: Well, put 'em away, son.
Eric: Oh, I intend to, sir.
Kitty: Oh, honey, honey. On your way to the basement, could you pop these in the fridge? They're warm! (she hands him two more beers.)
Pilot

Red: What the hell happened to Bob's hair?
Eric: Beats me.
Red: His head looks like a poodle's ass. Boy, just when you think you've seen everything...
Eric: A poodle's ass walks into your party!
Pilot

Eric: Ever since yesterday, I can't stop thinking about you. I mean, I've known you practically my whole life. I want you. I want you so bad.
Donna: Eric, it's a car.
Pilot

Red: So, how's your friend, Janice?
Laurie: Pregnant.
Kitty: Oh, she was such a nice girl, how would that happen?
Eric: Well, first the egg travels down the fallopian to the uterus, where it attaches to the wall...
Eric's Birthday

Eric: Oh, Laurie, I remembered I can't loan you the Vista Cruiser on account of I hate you.
Eric's Birthday

Eric: Don’t get me wrong, I’m completely pro nudity, but I think my dad might kill me and I’m anti being killed.
Streaking

Eric: What are you talking about? All she said was she'd be alone on Saturday night with a pizza... Oh my God, I'm so stupid.
Eric's Burger Job

Ricky: Hey, how's that mopping coming along?
Eric: Well, I'm just happy to be a part of the Fatso Burger family. (He walks away) You dumbass.
Eric's Burger Job

Jackie: Look, I need to talk to someone. I can really use a friend right now.
Eric: Okay then well, good luck with that.
The Pill

Donna: All I’m saying is we have to wait for the right time.
Eric: Okay. How about now?
Donna: Um, no.
Eric: Okay. How about now?
Donna: No.
Eric: Okay. Now?
Donna: Yes.
Eric: Really?
Donna: No.
Eric: Okay. Now, right?

Kitty to the doctor: Well, it's just that, uh, Mr. Harris is allergic to penicillin and I thought that erythromycin might make him a touch less dead.
Eric, cheerfully: I know that when I go to the hospital, I like to not die!
Career Day

Donna: Remember when you beat him up on the playground?
Eric: I kicked his ass.
Jackie: Wait. Wasn't he the kid with scoliosis and asthma?
Eric: Yep. And I kicked his ass.
A New Hope

Donna: Just because a guy pays attention to me, it does not mean he wants to get me naked!
Eric: Oh, grow up!
Donna: Is that why you paid attention to me?
Eric: OF COURSE! ... Not! Of course not! I love your mind. That's what I love.
A New Hope

Eric: Oh, dad, I swear, I'm not on drugs.
Red: Well then what the hell's wrong with you?
Eric: Well, I accidentally... I was upstairs, and I-I-I... Okay, you know what? I'm on drugs.
The Water Tower

Eric's grandma: I tell it like it is.
Eric: Okay grandma, then here's how it is. You're very nasty! And I don't see why you have to be so hateful. I don't think that being nice for a whole day would kill you.
(Eric's grandma drops dead)
Eric: Grandma? Grandma? Oh. Oh! Oh no!!
Grandma's Dead

Eric: I killed her. She was old, and the shock of her grandson telling her that she was nasty killed her.
Donna: Have you talked to Red about this?
Eric: I'm not talking to my dad about this. Do you remember how angry he got when I didn't rake the yard? And this is like, twice as bad!
Grandma's Dead

Red gives Eric a beer.
Eric: So, this is beer.
Grandma's Dead

Eric: Mom, how come we have to be here? I could be using this time to... not be here.
Red's New Job

Laurie: You don't know anything! And if you do know something, I will make you sorry you were ever born.
Eric: Well, for your information, I'm already sorry I was ever born!
Laurie and the Professor

Red: What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you always so damn nervous?
Eric: Oh, hmm, I don’t know, maybe it’s because you’ve been yelling at me for seventeen years?
Hunting

Eric: Well, first you drag me away from the wedding, and then you kiss me all the way over here, and then you pull me upstairs and shove me into my bedroom and put your hands all over my body, I just... I'm sorry, I'm confused.
The First Time

Eric: Every time this starts happening, it winds up not happening. And then, you skip home... tra la la la la.
The First Time

Eric: Were you good? Donna, you know how my mom's all over my back to write thank you notes and I never do, well, trust me, you're getting a thank you note.
Afterglow

Donna: I love you.
Eric: I love... cake.
I Love Cake

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