"I am so the King!"

Michael Kelso

Hyde: Moron! Every day you say you're breaking up with her!
Kelso: Well, you guys don't know her like I do! (Realizes he has a large purple hickey. He covers it up.) I mean, it's not just about fooling around! She buys me stuff!
Hyde: She hoovered your chest, man!
Sunday Bloody Sunday

Kelso: Guess who made out with Pam Macy behind the gym?
Hyde: Everyone.
Ski Trip

Trucker: Well, hello there!
Kelso: Hey, thanks for stopping. Are you going all the way to Alpine Valley?
Trucker: Oh, I’m going wherever you’re going!
Kelso: Wow, that’s lucky!
Trucker: So, did it hurt?
Kelso: What?
Trucker: When you fell down from heaven!
Kelso: No, I’m fine!
The Ski Trip

Fez: You’re always saying that you did it.
Eric: Kelso, she wears the pants and they have never come off.
Kelso: Look at my face. This is a face that did it!
Fez: Holy smokes, I think he did it!
That Wrestling Show

Jackie: What's important is, he's better than you. In every conceivable way.
Kelso: Damn, Jackie, that could be anybody!
The Prom

Kelso: Jackie! We can do that for the rest of our lives! Star Wars is a limited engagement!
A New Hope

Jackie: If you say 'See Star Wars' again, I'm leaving.
Kelso: You don't want to leave. You want to see Star Wars.
A New Hope

Kelso: Hey. Pretty great funeral, huh?
Hyde: Red, I'm sorry about your mom, man. And I'm sorry Kelso's an idiot.
Grandma's Dead

Kelso, reading the UNICEF box: "A UNICEF contribution of thirteen cents will feed a child for a month." Man, living in Africa must be great! Everything’s so cheap.
Halloween

Eric: Man, you had to repeat first grade?
Jackie: Oh my god! Michael, say it’s not true!
Kelso: It was cursive writing, all right? All those stupid squiggles and bumps!
Halloween

Kelso: Why would you just cuddle with her, when you could do it? I mean, Forman, doing it is “it." That’s why they call “it” “it”! “IT”!!
The Sleepover

Kelso: Oh, this is great. Jackie's gonna get wedding fever. Man, all I'm gonna hear is, "Michael, at our wedding don't shove cake in my face." And, "You better know how to dance." And, "There will not be a trampoline." A wedding without a trampoline. That's crazy talk.
Hyde: Yeah, it'd be like a funeral without a dunk tank.
Kelso: She even knows what kind of china pattern she wants. Pink and purple with unicorns. Who wants to see a unicorn when they're eating pie?
The First Time

Jackie: Oh my god! Pink and purple with a unicorn! You remembered!
Kelso: Of course I remembered. I remember everything you tell me even when you think I don't.
Jackie: Really. What's my favorite season?
Kelso: Fall?
Jackie: Why?
Kelso: Uh, the outfits flatter your chestnut eyes.
Jackie: And?
Kelso: Slimming lines and dark colors.
Jackie: Oh my god, Michael! When you started acting like an immature jerk, I started having doubts about us. But now this purple and pink unicorn candy dish proves you're a grown up!
The First Time

Jackie: I’ll be counting the minutes.
Kelso: Can’t you just use a clock?
Kiss of Death

Kelso: The only thing better than eating lobster is eating lobster and hauling ass. So let's haul ass!
Dine and Dash

Donna: Kelso, it's wrong!
Kelso: Wrong, or hilarious??
Eric: Wrong, you dillhole!
Dine and Dash

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