This just can't get more disturbing.

Dopplegangland

Snyder: As far as I'm concerned, this is a marriage made in heaven. Willow Rosenberg, despite her unsavory associations, represents the pinnacle of academic achievement at Sunnydale High. Percy West represents a devastating fast break, and 50% from behind the three-point line.
Willow: I'm not sure I understand the marriage part.
Snyder: You've got the brains, he's got the fast break. It's a perfect match.
Willow: Match? You want us to breed?
Snyder: I want you to tutor him.

Snyder: Rosenberg, it's time to give something back to the community. I know you wanna help your school out here. Ask me how I know.
Willow: How do you...?
Snyder: I just... know.

Faith: It's just like fun, only boring.

Oz to Willow: There's something about you that's causing me to hug you. It's like I have no will of my own.

Willow: Maybe I would have liked to go.
Oz: Didn't figure you for missing school.
Willow: You think I'm boring.
Oz: I'd call that a radical interpretation of the text.

Willow, pulling out a banana: I'm eating this now. It's not lunchtime, I don't even care.

Willow: "Old Reliable"? Yeah, great. There's a sexy nickname.
Buffy: Well, I didn't mean it as...
Willow: No, it's fine. I'm "Old Reliable."
Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.
Willow: That's Old Faithful.
Xander: Isn't that the dog that, that the guy had to shoot...
Willow: That's Old Yeller!

Willow: Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me.

Willow: Okay, that's a little blacker than I like my arts. (38K)

Anya: I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace.
Willow: Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in Hell?
Anya: Look, we'll just try it again, and...
Willow: No! I think emphatically not!!

Percy: Rosenberg? What are you doing, trick-or-treating? You're supposed to be at home doing my history report. I flunk that class, you're in big trouble with Snyder. Till we graduate, I own your ass.
Evil Willow: Bored now. (14K)

Evil Willow: I'm having a terrible night. Wanna make it better?

Evil Willow: You're alive! (hugs Xander)
Xander: Uh... Will, this is verging on naughty touching here. Don't wanna fall back on bad habits. Hands! Hands in new places!
Evil Willow: You're alive.
Xander: You mentioned that before. Will, are you okay?
Evil Willow: No! Everything's different.

Xander: Will, gotta say, not lovin' the new you.

Buffy: Willow, you're alive?
Willow: Aren't I usually?

Willow: It's really nice that you guys missed me. Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?
Xander: Will, we saw you at the Bronze. A vampire.
Willow: I'm not a vampire!
Buffy: You are. I mean, you, you were. Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon?
Giles: Well, uh... something... something, um, very strange is happening.
Xander: Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go?

Anya: I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a friggin' beer!
Bartender: I.D.
Anya, sighing: Gimme a Coke.

Evil Willow, happily: Look. Everyone's all afraid. It's just like old times.

Oz: Willow. You don't wanna do this.
Evil Willow: I don't? But I'm so good at it.

Anya: You know this isn't your world, right? I mean, you know you don't belong here.
Evil Willow: No. This is a dumb world. In my world there are people in chains, and we can ride them like ponies.
Anya: You wanna get back there.
Evil Willow: Yeah.
Anya: So do I.

Buffy: It was exactly you, Will, every detail. Except for your not being a dominatrix. As far as we know.
Willow: Oh, right. Me and Oz play "Mistress of Pain" every night.
Xander: Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?
Buffy: Oh, yeah.

Angel: Willow's dead. Hey, Willow. Wait a second...
Xander: We're right there with you, buddy.

Evil Willow: Well, look at me. I'm all fuzzy. (50K)

Evil Willow: I kinda like the idea of the two of us. We could be quite a team, if you came around to my way of thinking.
Willow: Would that mean we have to snuggle?

Evil Willow: Wanna be bad?
Willow: This just can't get more disturbing!

Willow: It's horrible! That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and... skanky. And I think I'm kinda gay.
Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was.
Angel: Well, actually... (gets a look from Buffy)That's a good point.

Willow: It's a little binding. I guess vampires really don't have to breathe. (notices her cleavage) Gosh, look at those.

Anya: Vampires. Always thinking with your teeth.

Cordelia: What did you do? Lock yourself in the book cage?
Evil Willow: Yeah. Lemme out... 'Cause I'm so helpless.
Cordelia: Okay.

Cordelia: Wait. It occurs to me that we've never really had the opportunity to talk. You know, woman to woman... with you locked up.
Evil Willow: Don't wanna talk. Hungry.
Cordelia: What could we talk about? Oh! Hey! How about the ethics of boyfriend stealing?

Cordelia: And, okay, it isn't even like I was that attracted to Xander. It was more just that we kept being put in these life or death situations, and that's always all sexy and stuff. I mean, I more or less knew he was a loser. But that doesn't make it okay for you to come around and... What? Do I have something on my neck?
Evil Willow: Not yet.

Cordelia to Wesley: They got Willow. So, are you doing anything tonight?

Willow: Ow! Ow! Ow! Happy, but ow!

Evil Willow: This world's no fun.
Willow: You noticed that, too?

Xander: So, um, in your reality, I'm like this bad-ass vampire, huh? People afraid of me? Oh, yeah. I'm bad.

Buffy: You wanna go out tonight?
Willow: Strangely, I feel like staying at home... and doing my homework... and flossing... and dying a virgin.
Buffy: You know, you can O.D. on virtue.
Willow: Between me and my evil self, I've got double guilt coupons. I see now where the path of vice leads. I mean, she messed up everything she touched. I don't ever want to be like that.