It's not like it's the end of the world.
Which is too bad, cuz that I'm really good at.

Flooded

Dawn: Man. How much water can they fit in one set of pipes?
Tara: If I understand right, the entire city water supply.
Willow: It's like little clown cars in the circus.
Dawn: Told you we should have called the plumber.
Buffy: You were right. The plumber will make everything good.

Buffy: Dawn, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It's unbelievably important. You should eat breakfast at least three times a day.

Tara: So how's everything looking down there?
Xander: Like we should start gathering up two of every animal.

Buffy, trying to cope with being broke: But I haven't spent any money. I was all ... dead and frugal.

Dawn: So, what do we do?
Buffy: Easy. We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire pretty? You guys, I'm kidding. Okay, it's bills, it's money. It's pieces of paper sent by bureaucrats that we've never even met. It's not like it's the end of the world. Which is too bad, you know, cuz that, I'm really good at.

Anya: Start charging.
Buffy: For what?
Anya: Slaying vampires! Well, you're providing a valuable service to the whole community. I say cash in.

Dawn: You can't charge innocent people for saving their lives.
Anya: Spiderman does.
Dawn: He does not!
Anya: Does too.
Dawn: Does not! Xander?
Xander, reluctantly: Action is his reward.
Anya: Why don't you ever take my side?
Xander: What are you talking about, taking your side? Anya, I am your side!

Anya: I mean, first you, you give me this beautiful ring... and then I can't even wear it in public. I mean, do you know how depressing that is?
Xander: Anya, I promise, your waiting days are almost over. I know it's frustrating ... but the way I understand this marriage thing, it's kind of a forever deal.
Anya: Not if you never get started.

Buffy trying to get a loan: This is my first big loan. ... Collateral? No problem. ... No problem. ... No problem. ... I love that tie. ... I'm a problem solver. ... Let's crunch those numbers! ... Stupid skirt.

Buffy on guns: These things? Never helpful.

Buffy, after saving the bank from a demon: Now, about my loan. I'm not saying I'm charging you for saving your life or anything, but ... let's talk rates.

Willow: But no, they're like, "Oh, we're not gonna give you money unless you prove you don't need it." I mean, what kind of system is that?

Anya: No, no. Captain Logic is not steering this tugboat. I smell Captain Fear at the wheel!

Dawn: I'm guessing on how you say it. It's got an apostrophe. I think it's MmmFashnik. Like "Mmm, cookies."
Xander: Or maybe, Muh-Fashnik. Like Muh...Fashnik.
Dawn to Buffy: This your guy?
Buffy: You do research now? Want a cappuccino and a pack of cigarettes to go with it?

Giles: I, met with a few old friends. Almost made a new one, which I think is ... statistically impossible for a man of my age.
Buffy: And now you're back.
Giles: Yes.
Buffy: Wow. Giles, are you miserable about it, or just really British?

Anya: Giles! We're so glad to see you. We missed you. You can't have the store back.
Giles: I know.
Anya: You signed papers.

Giles: They come from a long line of mercenary demons that perform acts of slaughter and mayhem for the highest bidder.
Xander: Well, it is the American way.

M'Fashnik demon: You told me you were powerful men, commanding machines, magicks, the demon realms below.
Warren: We are.
Andrew: Yuh-huh.
Jonathan: We're like, Super Villains.
M'Fashnik: Which of you is the leader?
All three in unison: I am.
M'Fashnik: I will kill the leader.
All three in unison, pointing at each other: He is.
M'Fashnik: I will kill you all.
Jonathan: Wait! Uh! No fair!

Andrew: I had nothing to do with the devil dogs. I trained flying demon monkeys to attack the school play. School play, dude!
Warren: That was cool. That was kinda cool.
Jonathan: Remember, everyone was like, "Run, Juliet!"

Andrew: But I don't want to kill Buffy either.
Jonathan: Yeah, she saved my life a bunch of times! Plus, she's hot.

The Geeks' "To Do" list:
Control The Weather
Miniaturize Fort Knox
Conjure Fake I.D.s
Shrink Ray
Girls
Girls
The Gorilla Thing

Jonathan: Trained gorillas. Workable prototype jetpacks, and chicks, chicks, chicks. I know that's the action I signed on for.

Giles: You're a very stupid girl.
Willow: What? Giles...
Giles: Do you have any idea what you've done? The forces you've harnessed, the lines you've crossed?
Willow: I thought you'd be ... impressed, or something.
Giles: Oh, don't worry, you've made a very deep impression. Of everyone here, you were the one I trusted most to respect the forces of nature.
Willow: Are you saying you don't trust me?
Giles: Think what you've done to Buffy.
Willow: I brought her back!
Giles: At incredible risk!
Willow: Risk? Of what? Making her deader?
Giles: Of killing us all. Unleashing hell on Earth, I mean, shall I go on?
Willow: No! Giles, I did what I had to do. I did what nobody else could do. Giles: Oh, there are others in this world who can do what you did. You just don't want to meet them.

Willow: You're right. The magics I used are very powerful. I'm very powerful. And maybe it's not such a good idea for you to piss me off.

Buffy: Why are you always around when I'm miserable?
Spike: Cuz that's when you're alone, I reckon. I'm not one for crowds myself these days.
Buffy: Me neither.
Spike: That works out nicely then.

Warren: We could, uh, we could hypnotize her.
Andrew: Make her our willing sex bunny.
Jonathan: I'm putting that on the list!
Andrew: Is this the life or what? I mean, here we got all the stuff we ever wanted... and we didn't even have to...
Warren: Earn it?
Andrew: Exactamundo.
Jonathan: It's true, my friends. The way I see it, life is like an interstellar journey. Some people go into hypersleep and travel at sub-light speeds, only to get where they're going after years of struggle, toil and hard, hard work. We, on the other hand...
Andrew: Blast through the space-time continuum in a wormhole?
Jonathan: Gentlemen ... crime is our wormhole.
Andrew: But ... everyone knows... if the width of a wormhole cavity is a whole number of wavelengths, plus a fraction of that wavelength? The coinciding particle activity collapses the infrastructure.
Warren: Dude. Don't be a geek.

Giles: Well, I know I'm back in America now I've been knocked unconscious.