I thought people were supposed to get smarter in college.

The Freshman

Willow, reading the course calendar: Ah! "Introduction to the Modern Novel. A survey study of twentieth century novelists." Open to freshmen. You might like that.
Buffy: "Introduction to the Modern Novel"? I'm guessing I'd probably have to read the modern novel.
Willow: Maybe more than one.
Buffy: I like books. I just don't want to take on too much. Do they have an introduction to the modern blurb?

Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first?
Willow: Yes, first there's the painful nowning process.

Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Buffy: Uh, you know, I meant to and then I just got really busy.

Willow: It's just in High School, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon. You really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up, you know? And letting this place thrust into and spurt knowledge into... That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in.
Buffy: I'm with you, though, I'm all for spurty knowledge.

Willow on Giles: Well, he says that he's enjoying being a gentleman of leisure.
Buffy: Gentleman of leisure? Isn't that just British for unemployed?

Buffy: Speaking of slack, have you heard anything from Xander?
Willow: Not for awhile, he's still on his cross-country-see-America thing. He said he wasn't coming back until he had driven to all fifty states.
Buffy: Did you explain about Hawaii?
Willow: Oh, he seemed so determined.

Willow: This is a real library. See, we even have to whisper. It's like a whole new world.

Riley: I'll show you. I don't meet that many freshmen that know that much about psychology.
Willow: Well, it's fascinating.
Buffy: Yeah, you know, 'cause everyone's got a brain. ... Or, almost everyone.

Kathy: I am really glad they put me with somebody cool... I can tell that you're cool. I just know that this whole year is going to be super fun! (She hangs up her Celine Dion poster.)

Professor: And there are two people talking at once, and I know that one of them is me. And the other is... a blonde girl. You, blonde girl. Stand up. I'm very excited to hear what you have to say that's worth interrupting my lecture for.
Buffy: I was just asking if the class was still open, if I could still sign up.
Professor: If your name isn't on this sheet then you are wasting everyone's time. Are you on the sheet?
Buffy: They told me that if I just...
Professor: Do you understand? You are sucking energy from everyone in this room. They came here to learn. Get out!
Buffy, walking away apologetically: I didn't mean to... suck.

Professor Walsh: Okay. This is Psych 105, "Introduction to Psychology", I'm Professor Walsh. Those of you who fall under my good graces will come to know me as Maggie. Those of you who don't will come to know me by the name my TAs use, and think I don't know about, "The Evil Bitch Monster of Death." Make no mistake, I run a hard class, I assign a lot of work, I talk fast and I expect you to keep up. If you're looking to coast I recommend Geology 101. That's where the football players are.

Eddie: "Of Human Bondage." Have you ever read it?
Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into porn... I mean I'm just... I'm trying to cut way back.
Eddie: No, there's no actual bondage, it's just a novel. I've read it, like, ten times. I always keep it by my bed... security blanket.
Buffy: I don't really have a security blanket... unless you count Mr. Pointy.

Sunday, going through Eddie's CDs: Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, (sigh) astonishingly boring... we have to kill some cooler people.

Vampire: Does this sweater make me look fat?
Sunday: No, the fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple.

Giles: So, uh, trouble with, uh, studies?
Buffy: This is a bad time.
Giles: You keep saying that.
Buffy: Well it looks pretty bad! I think someone had just a little too much free time on their hands.
Giles: I'm not supposed to have a private life?
Buffy: No! 'Cause you're very, very old, and it's gross.

Giles: I still don't see where I fit in. You haven't described anything that you can't do yourself.
Buffy: Ok, remember before you became Hugh Hefner when you used to be a watcher?

Buffy: God, I was worried that something had happened to you... and of course it has, 'cause you're a vampire. I'm sorry.
Eddie: I'm not.

Sunday: I'm Sunday, I'll be killing you here in a minute or so.
Buffy: You know that threat gets more frightening every time I hear it.

Vampire: Uhh... are we gonna fight? Or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally?

Vampire: Okay, but you gotta share the eating. Cause I'm thinkin' slayer's blood's gotta be... Whoa! like Thai Stick.
Buffy: I thought people were suppose to get smarter in college?
Sunday: Yeah, I think you had a lot of misconceptions about college. Like that anyone would be caught dead wearing that.

Buffy's Mom: Oh, well yeah. You know, I didn't think you'd be back for a couple of weeks. Uh, but I didn't move anything, it's still your room.
Buffy: You filled it with packing crates.
Buffy's Mom: Yeah, but I didn't move anything.
Buffy: If it's still my room, shoudn't I still be able to fit in it?

Xander: The whole world in front of her, and she comes back to this dive.

Buffy: Why didn't you call me?
Xander: Well I knew you guys were starting the whole college adventure and I didn't want to, um, you know... help you move.

Xander: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car, and that was literally. So, I ended up washing dishes at The Fabulous Ladies Night Club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me or even spoke to me until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college?
Buffy: Male strippers?
Xander: No power on this earth!
Buffy: Okay. College is good.
Xander: Okay, uh, once more with even less feeling.

Xander: Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger. No wait, hold on. Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side. Hold on, no, umm, First you get the women, then you get the money, then you... Okay, can we forget that?
Buffy: Thanks for the Dadaist pep talk, I feel much more abstract now.
Xander: The point is, you're Buffy.
Buffy: Yeah, maybe in high school I was Buffy.
Xander: And now in college you're Betty Louise?
Buffy: Yeah, I'm Betty Louise Plotnick of East Cupcake, Illinois. Or I might as well be.
Xander: Buffy, I've gone through some fairly dark times in my life, faced some scary things, among them the kitchen at The Fabulous Ladies Night Club. Let me tell you something, when it's dark and I'm all alone and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think, "What would Buffy do?" You're my hero. Okay, sometimes when it's dark and I'm all alone I think, "What is Buffy wearing?"
Buffy: Can that be one of those things you never, ever, tell me about?
Xander: It's a deal. Let's put this bitch in the ground! What do you say?

Xander: I can't believe the vampires took your stuff. Murder I expect, but petty larceny seems so... petty.

Xander: You up for a little reconnaissance?
Buffy: You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff?
Xander: No, that was the renaissance.
Buffy: Oh. I've had a really long week.

Buffy: Oh! That's my skirt! You're never going to fit in it with those hips! We have to kill them!

Sunday: Say, don't I know you from... beating the crap out of you?
Buffy: I just thought I'd drop in. Get it? Drop in? Boy, tough room.

Buffy: You got a nice set-up here, but you made one mistake.
Sunday: Yeah? What was that?
Buffy: Well, I'm not actually positive, but statistically speaking people usually make at least...

Willow: How can you be so calm?
Oz: Long, arduous hours of practice.

Willow: Xander!
Xander: How are my guys? (He hugs Willow, then hugs Kathy.) I don't know you, do I?
Kathy: No.
Xander: This is very intrusive, isn't it?
Kathy: Little bit.

Xander: Well some friends of Buffy's played a funny joke, and they took her stuff. And now she wants us to help get it back from her friends who sleep all day and have no tans.
Willow: Oh! Those friends!

Buffy: When you look back at this, in the three seconds it'll take you to turn to dust, I think you'll find the mistake was touching my stuff.

Giles: I've been awake all night. I know I'm supposed to teach you self-reliance, but I can't leave you out there to fight alone. To hell with what's right, I'm ready to back you up. Let's find the evil and fight it together.
Buffy: Great! Thanks! We'll get right on that

Xander: So, college not so scary after all, huh?
Buffy: It's turning out to be a lot like high school, which I can handle. At least I know what to expect.