Let's face it: None of us are ever gonna have a happy, normal relationship.

I Robot, You Jane

Ms Calendar: You know, for the last two years more e-mail was sent than regular mail. More digitized information went across phone lines than conversation.
Giles: That is a fact that I regard with genuine horror.

Willow: Xander, you wanna stay and help me?
Xander: Are you kidding?
Willow: Yes, it was a joke I made up.
Xander: Willow, I love you, but bye!

Giles: I'm just gonna stay and clean up a little. I'll be back in the middle ages.
Ms Calendar: Did you ever leave?

Buffy: You are a thing of evil for not telling me this right away!
Willow: Well, I wasn't sure there was anything to tell. But last night, oh! We talked all night, it was amazing. He's so smart, Buffy, and, and he's romantic, and we agree about everything!
Buffy: What's he look like?
Willow: I don't know!

Buffy: So, you've been seeing a guy, and you don't know what he looks like? Okay, this is a puzzle. No, wait, I'm good at these. Does it involve a midget and a block of ice?

Ms Calendar: Hey, Fritz... I'm looking at the logs. You and Dave are clocking a pretty scary amount of computer time.
Fritz: New project.
Ms Calendar: Ooo, will I be excited?
Fritz: You'll die.

Xander, covering Willow's eyes: Guess who?
Willow: Uh, Xander?
Xander: Yeah, but keep guessing anyway.
Willow: Xander.

Buffy on Willow: She certainly looks perky.
Xander: Yeah, color in the cheeks, bounce in the step... I don't like it. It's not healthy.

Xander: I mean, sure he says he's a high school student, but I can say I'm a high school student.
Buffy: You are.
Xander: Okay, but I can also say that I'm an elderly Dutch woman. Get me? I mean, who's to say I'm not if I'm in the elderly Dutch chat room?
Buffy, humouring him: I get your point! (understanding) I get your point. Oh, this guy could be anybody. He could be weird, or crazy, or old, or... He could be a circus freak. He's probably a circus freak!
Xander: Yeah. I mean, we read about it all the time. Y'know, people meet on the net, they talk, they get together, have dinner, a show, horrible ax murder.
Buffy: Willow ax-murdered by a circus freak... Okay, okay, what do we do? What are we doing? Xander, you get me started! We are totally overreacting!
Xander: But it's fun, isn't it?

Fritz: She's too close. What do I do?
Computer Screen: Kill her.
Fritz: Party.

Xander: Calax Research and Development. It's a computer research lab. Third largest employer in Sunnydale till it closed down last year. (at everyone else's stares) What, I can't have information sometimes?
Giles: Well, it's just somewhat unprecedented.
Xander: Well, my uncle used to work there. In a floor sweeping capacity.

Buffy: Besides, I can just tell something's wrong. My spider sense is tingling.
Giles: Your... spider sense?
Buffy: Pop culture reference. Sorry.

Giles: A moment, please, of quiet reflection. I do not suggest that you illegally enter the... (Ms. Calendar enters the library) ...data into the file so the book will be listed by title as well as by author.

Ms Calendar: You're here again? Kids really dig the library, don't you?
Buffy: We're literary!
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.

Ms Calendar: You're a snob!
Giles: I am no such thing!
Ms Calendar: Oh, you are a big snob. You think that knowledge should be kept in these carefully guarded repositories where only a handful of white guys can get at it.
Giles: Nonsense! I simply don't adhere to a - a knee-jerk assumption that because something is new, it's better.
Ms Calendar: This isn't a fad, Rupert! We are creating a new society here.
Giles: A society in which human interaction is all but obsolete? In which people can be completely manipulated by technology, well, well... Thank you, I'll pass.
Ms Calendar: Well, I think you'll be very happy here with your musty, old books.

Giles, distracted: Well, it's been so nice talking to you.
Ms Calendar: We were fighting.
Giles: Must do it again sometime, yes... Bye, now.

Buffy, after almost being electrocuted: Tell me the truth: how's my hair?
Xander: It's great! It's your best hair ever!

Giles: The scanner read the book. It brought Moloch out as information to be absorbed.
Buffy: He's gone binary on us.

Buffy: You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How about mess up all the medical equipment in the world?
Giles: Randomize traffic signals.
Buffy: Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles.
Giles: Destroy the world's economy.
Buffy: I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing.
Giles: Right, yours was best.

Buffy: Dave. He's dead.
Giles: How?
Buffy: Well, it looks like suicide.
Xander: With a little help from my friends?

Giles: Um, thank you for coming. I need your help. But before that, I need you to believe something that ... you may not want to. Uh, there's, uh... something's got into the, um... inside, um... There's a demon in the Internet.
Ms Calendar: I know.

Giles: You don't seem exactly surprised by... Who are you?
Ms Calendar: I teach computer science at the local high school.
Giles: A profession that hardly lends itself to the casting of bones.
Ms Calendar: Wrong and wrong, snobby. You think the realm of the mystical is limited to ancient texts and relics? That bad old science made the magic go away? The divine exists in cyberspace same as out here.

Ms Calendar: The first thing we have to do is form the circle of Kayless. Right?
Giles: Form a circle? But there's only two of us. That's really more of a line.

Giles: Hoping and betting, that's what we've got.
Ms Calendar: You wanna throw in praying? Be my guest.

Buffy: The building's security system is computerized.
Xander: Whoops!

Willow: Let me leave?
Moloch: But I love you!
Willow: Don't say that! That's a joke! You don't love anything!
Moloch: You are mine!
Willow: I'm not yours! I'm never gonna be yours! Never!
Moloch, after a long pause: Pity.

Xander, exulting: Hey! I got to hit someone!

Moloch: I was omnipotent. I was everything! Now I'm trapped in this shell!
Willow: Malcolm! Remember me, your girlfriend? Well, I think it's time we break up! Maybe we can still be friends!

Ms Calendar: Honestly, what is it about them that bothers you so much?
Giles: The smell.
Ms Calendar: Computers don't smell, Rupert.
Giles: I know. Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower or a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell. Musty and, and, and, and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer, is, it ... it has no texture, no context. It's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then the getting of knowledge should be tangible, it should be, um... smelly.
Ms Calendar: Well! You really are an old-fashioned boy, aren't you?
Giles: Well, I don't dangle a corkscrew from my ear.
Ms Calendar: That's not where I dangle it.

Willow: Malcolm, Moloch... whatever he's called. The one boy that's really liked me, and he's a demon robot. What does that say about me?

Buffy: Hey, did you forget? The one boy I've had the hots for since I've moved here turned out to be a vampire.
Xander: Right, and the teacher I had a crush on? Giant praying mantis?
Willow: That's true.
Xander: Yeah, that's life on the Hellmouth.
Buffy: Let's face it: none of us are ever gonna have a happy, normal relationship.
Xander: We're doomed!
Willow: Yeah!