You are not by any chance betraying your secret identity to impress cute boys, are you?

Lie to Me

Drusilla:: My dear boy's gone all away, hasn't he? To her.
Angel: Who?
Drusilla:: The girl. The Slayer.
Drusilla:: Your heart stinks of her. Poor little thing. She has no idea what's in store.

Ms Calendar: It's a secret!
Giles: What kind of a secret?
Ms Calendar: Uh, the kind that's secret. You know, where I don't actually tell you what it is.
Giles: I think it's customary that when two people are going out on an evening that they both have an idea of where they're going.
Ms Calendar: Oh, come on! Where is your sense of adventure?
Giles: Well, I, I... Uh, how will I know what to wear?
Ms Calendar: Do you own anything else?
Giles: Uh, well, not as such, no.

Cordelia: I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed...
Xander: I think you mean "oppressed."
Cordelia: Whatever. They were cranky. So they're, like, "Let's lose some heads." Uhhh! That's fair. And, and Marie Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake!

Willow: So, you two were sweeties in fifth grade?
Buffy: Not even. Ford wouldn't give me the time of day.
Ford: Well, I was a manly sixth-grader. I couldn't bother with someone that young.
Buffy: It was terrible. I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls song "I Touch Myself." Of course, I had no idea what it was about.

Ford: I'd love to! But if you guys already had plans... Would I be imposing?
Xander: No, only in the literal sense.

Xander: This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends! Jeez, doesn't she know any fat guys?

Willow: Buffy, Ford was just telling us about the ninth grade beauty contest, and the, uh, swimsuit competition.
Buffy: Oh, my God, Ford, stop that! The more people you tell, the more people I have to kill.
Ford: You can't touch me, Summers. I know all your darkest secrets.
Xander: Care to make a small wager on that?

Willow on Angel: See, you made him do that thing where he's gone.

Ford: What's goin' on?
Buffy: Um... uh, there was a, a cat. A cat here, and, um, then there was a... another cat... and they fought. The cats. And... then they left.
Ford: Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire.
Buffy: What? Whating a what?

Ford: A couple more days and we'll get to do the two things every American teen should have the chance to do: die young, and stay pretty.

Willow: I'm so the 'Net girl.

Giles: Um, Buffy... You are not, by any chance, betraying your secret identity just to impress cute boys, are you?

Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one.
Angel: Could you not call me that?

Willow: Do they really stick out?
Xander: What?
Willow: Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, "Wow! That baby is sore!"
Xander: You have too many thoughts.

Xander: Are you probably noticing a theme here?
Willow: As in "Vampires! Yay!"?
Xander: That's the one.

Angel: I've seen enough. I've seen this type before. I mean, they're children making up bedtime stories of friendly vampires to comfort themselves in the dark.
Willow: Is that so bad? I mean, the dark can get pretty dark. Sometimes you need a story.

Buffy: Sorry to beep you guys in the middle of... stuff, but it seemed really weird.
Giles: No, you did the right thing. Absolutely.
Ms Calendar to Giles: You hated it that much?
Giles: No! But, but... vampires on campus is, could have implications. Very, very grave...
Ms Calendar: You could have just said something.
Giles: Uh, honestly, I've always, I've always been interested in, in, uh, monster trucks.
Buffy: You took him to monster trucks?
Ms Calendar: I thought it would be a change!
Giles: It was a change.
Ms Calendar: Look, we could've just left.
Giles: What, and miss the nitro-burning funny cars? No, couldn't have that.

Giles: She's called Drusilla, a sometime paramour of Spike's. She was killed by an angry mob in Prague.
Buffy: Well, they don't make angry mobs like they used to, 'cause this girl's alive.

Giles, after being attacked by a vampire: A book! It took one of my books!
Ms Calendar: Well, at least someone in this school is reading.

Spike: Do I have anyone on watch here? It's called security, people. Are you all asleep? Or did we finally find a restaurant that delivers?

Spike: So, how did you find me?
Ford: That doesn't matter. I've got something to offer you. I'm pretty sure this is the part where you take out a watch and say I've got thirty seconds to convince you not to kill me. It's traditional.
Spike: Well, I don't go much for tradition.

Ford: I wanna be like you. A vampire.
Spike: I've known you for two minutes, and I can't stand you. I don't really feature you livin' forever.

Buffy: I love you. I don't know if I trust you.
Angel: Maybe you shouldn't do either.

Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was... an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste...
Buffy: And you made her a vampire.
Angel: First I made her insane. Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon.
Buffy: Well. I asked for the truth.

Buffy: I'm sorry, Ford. I just couldn't wait till tonight! I'm rash and impulsive. It's a flaw.
Ford: We all have flaws.
Buffy: I'm still a little fuzzy on exactly what yours is. I think it has to do with being a lying scumbag.

Buffy: I am trying to save you! You are playing in some serious traffic here! Do you understand that? You're going to die! And the only hope you have of surviving this is to get out of this pit right now, and, my God, could you have a dorkier outfit?

Buffy: Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. It's just, like, the more I know, the more confused I get.
Giles: I believe that's called growing up.
Buffy: I'd like to stop then, okay?
Giles: I know the feeling.
Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
(Ford rises as a vampire, and Buffy slays him.)
Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.