I am Kendra, the Vampire Slayer!

What's my Line

Cordelia: "I aspire to help my fellow man." Check. As long as he's not smelly, dirty or something gross.
Xander: Cordelia Chase, always ready to give a helping hand to the rich and the pretty.
Cordelia: Which, lucky me, excludes you. Twice.

Buffy: I shouldn't even be bothering with this. It's all mootville for me. No matter what my aptitude test says, we already know my deal.
Xander: Yup, high risk, sub-minimum wage.
Buffy: Pointy wooden things.

Buffy: Does "Rest in Peace" have no sanctity to you people? Oh, I forgot. You're not a people.

Buffy: I want a normal life. Like I had before.
Angel: Before me.
Buffy: No, Angel, it's not you. You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me. I just get messed sometimes. I wish we could be regular kids.
Angel: Yeah. I'll never be a kid.
Buffy: Okay, then a regular kid and her cradle robbing, creature-of-the-night boyfriend.

Willow: Angel ice-skating.
Buffy: I know. Two worlds collide.

Xander: When you look at me, do you think "prison guard"?
Buffy: Um, crossing guard, maybe, but prison guard?
Xander: They just put up the assignments for the career fair, and according to my test results I can look forward to being gainfully employed in the growing field of corrections.
Buffy: Well, at least you'll be on the right side of the bars.
Xander: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Laugh now, missy, they assigned you to the booth for law enforcement professionals.
Buffy: As in police???
Xander: As in polyester, doughnuts and brutality. (Buffy's not pleased)
Willow: But, doughnuts!
Buffy: Well, I'll just jump off that bridge when I come to it.

Giles: I've been indexing the Watcher diaries covering the last couple of centuries. You would be amazed at how numbingly pompous and long-winded some of these Watchers were.
Buffy: Color me stunned.

Buffy: Y'know, if you don't like the way I'm doing my job, why don't you find somebody else? Oh, that's right, there can only be one. As long as I'm alive, there is no one else. Well, there you go! I don't have to be the Slayer. I could be dead.
Giles: That wasn't terribly funny. You notice I don't laugh.
Buffy: Wouldn't be much of a change. Either way I'm bored, constricted, I never get to shop, and my hair and fingernails still continue to grow. So really, when you think about it, what's the diff?

Xander: Principal Snyder! Great career fair, sir! Really! In fact, I'm so inspired by your leadership, I'm thinking principal school. I wanna walk in your shoes. Not your actual shoes, of course, because you're a tiny person. Not tiny in the small sense, of course. Okay, I'm done now.

Xander: For what it's worth...
Snyder: It's worth nothing, Harris. Whatever comes out of your mouth is a meaningless waste of breath. An airborne toxic event.
Xander: Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to be so honest with me. And I can only hope that one day I'm in the position to be that honest with you.
Snyder: Fascinating.

Buffy: Uh, Giles, it's one thing to be a Watcher and a librarian. They go together like chicken and... another chicken, or... two chickens, or... something, you know what I'm saying! The point is, no one blinks an eye if you want to spend all your days with books. What am I supposed to do? Carve stakes for a nursery?

Willow: Goody! Research party!
Xander: Will, you need a life in the worst way.
Buffy: Speaking of, I really have to bail, but I promise I'll be back bright and early tomorrow and ready to slay.
Giles: This is a matter of some urgency, Buffy.
Buffy: I realize that. Well, you have to admit, I kinda lack in the book area. I mean, you guys are the brains, I'd only be here for moral support anyway.
Xander: That's untrue, Buffy, you totally contribute. You go for snacks!

Buffy: The Hellmouth presents: Dead Guys On Ice. Not exactly the evening we were aiming for.

Giles: I'm afraid he was not overreacting. This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Taraka. It's a society of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon.
Xander: And didn't they beat the Elks this year in the Sunnydale Adult Bowling League championships?
Giles: Their credo is to sow discord and kill the unwary.
Xander: Bowling is a vicious game.

Giles: Well, maybe Buffy unplugged the phone.
Xander: No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen-year-old girl to unplug her phone.

Cordelia: I can't even believe you. You dragged me out of bed for a ride? What am I, mass transportation?
Xander: That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker room talk. I wouldn't pay it any mind.
Cordelia: Oh, great, so now I'm your taxi and your punching bag.
Xander: I like to think of you more as my witless foil, but have it your way.

Xander: C'mon, Cordelia. You wanna be a member of the Scooby Gang, you gotta be willing to be inconvenienced every now and then.
Cordelia: Oh, right, cuz I lie awake at night hoping you tweakos will be my best friends. And that my first husband will be a balding, demented homeless man.

Kendra: Who are you?
Buffy: Who am I? You attacked me! Who the hell are you?!
Kendra: I am Kendra! The Vampire Slayer!

Kendra: They call me Kendra. I have no last name, sir.
Buffy: Can you say "stuck in the 80's"?

Willow: Is that even possible? I mean, two Slayers at the same time?
Giles: Not to my knowledge. Um, the new Slayer is only called after the previous Slayer has died. Oh, good Lord! You were dead, Buffy.
Buffy: I was only gone for a minute.
Giles: Clearly it doesn't matter how long you were gone. You were physically dead! Thus causing the activation of the next Slayer.
Kendra: She died?
Buffy: Just a little.

Buffy: And what's your great plan for finding this dark power? You just gonna attack people randomly till you find a bad one?
Kendra: Of course not.
Buffy: Then why the hell did you attack me?
Kendra: I thought you were a vampire.
Buffy: Oh, a swing and a miss for the rookie.
Kendra: I had good reason to think you were. Did I not see you kissing a vampire?
Willow: Buffy would never do that! Oh. Except for that sometimes you do that. But only with Angel. Right?

Kendra: No ashes.
Buffy: What?
Kendra: When a vampire combusts, he leaves ashes.
Buffy: Yeah, I know the drill.
Kendra: So I did not kill him.
Buffy: And I don't need to kill you.

Buffy: I don't take orders. I do things my way.
Kendra: No wonder you died.

Drusilla to Angel: You've been a very bad daddy.

Kendra: I study because it is required. The Slayer Handbook insists on it.
Willow: There's a Slayer handbook?
Buffy: Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?

Buffy: I wonder if it would be so bad, being replaced.
Willow: You mean, like, letting Kendra take over?
Buffy: Maybe. I mean, maybe after this thing with Spike and the assassins is over, I could say, "Kendra, you slay, I'm going to Disneyland."
Willow: But not forever, right?
Buffy: No, Disneyland would get boring after a few months. But I could do other stuff. Career day stuff. Maybe I could even have a normal life.

Cordelia: You think we should just slack here and hope that somebody else decides to be a hero? Sorry, forgot I was stranded with a loser!
Xander: And yet I never forgot that I'm stuck with the numb-brain that let Mr. Mutant in the house in the first place!
Cordelia: He looked normal!
Xander: What, is he supposed to have an arrow with the word "assassin" over his head?! All it took was the prospect of a free makeover, and you licked his hand like a big, dumb dog!

Cordelia: I'd rather be worm food than look at your pathetic face!
Xander: Then go! I'm not stopping you!
Cordelia: I bet you wouldn't! I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by herself!
Xander: Not just any girl. You're special.
Cordelia: I can't believe that I'm stuck spending what will probably be my last few moments on Earth here with you!
Xander: I hope these are my last few moments! Three more seconds with you, and I'm gonna...
Cordelia: I'm gonna what? Coward!
Xander: Moron!
Cordelia: I hate you!
Xander: I hate you!
(They stare at each other, then grab each other and kiss for a while.)
Xander: We so need to get outta here.
Cordelia: Mm-hm!

Oz: I'm not really a computer person, you know. Or a work of any kind person.
Willow: Then why'd they select you?
Oz: Oh, I sorta test well. Y'know, which is cool. Except that it leads to jobs.
Willow: Well, don't you have some ambition?
Oz: Oh, yeah! Yeah. E-flat, diminished ninth.
Willow: Huh?
Oz: Well, the E-flat, it's, it's doable, but that diminished ninth, y'know, it's a man's chord. Now, you could lose a finger.

Xander: Who sponsored career day today? The British Soccer Fan Association?

Xander: A Slayer, huh? I knew this "I'm the only one, I'm the only one" thing was just an attention-getter.
Buffy: Just say hello, Xander.
Xander: Welcome. So! You're a Slayer, huh? I like that in a woman.

Buffy: Angel. He's Drusilla's sire.
Xander: Man, that guy got major neck in his day!

Willow: Don't worry, Buffy, we'll save Angel.
Kendra: Angel? But our priority is to stop Drusilla!
Xander: Angel's our friend! Except I don't like him.
Buffy: Look, you've got your priorities, and I've got mine. Right now they mesh. So, are you gonna help me, or are you gonna get out of my way?
Kendra: I'm with you.
Buffy: Good. 'Cause I've had it. Spike is going down. You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend!

Kendra: And those two, they also know you are the Slayer?
Buffy: Yep.
Kendra: Did anyone explain to you what "secret identity" means?
Buffy: Nope. Must be in the handbook. Right after the chapter on personality removal.

Xander: I am the bug man, coo coo ka choo!

Xander: Okay. Okay. He can only be killed when he's in his disassembled state. Disassembled. That means when he's broken down into his leeettle buggy parts.
Cordelia: I know what it means, dorkhead.
Xander: Dorkhead! You slash me with your words!

Kendra: Emotions are weakness, Buffy. You shouldn't entertain them.
Buffy: Kendra, my emotions give me power. They're total assets!
Kendra: Maybe. For you. But I prefer to keep an even mind.
Buffy: I guess that explains it.
Kendra: Explains what?
Buffy: Oh, well, when we were fighting... you're amazing! Your technique, it's flawless, it's better than mine.
Kendra: I know.
Buffy: Still, I woulda kicked your butt in the end. And you know why? No imagination.
Kendra: Really? You think so?
Buffy: Oh, I know so. You're good, but power alone isn't enough. A good fighter needs to know how to improvise, to go with the flow. Uh-uh, seriously, don't get me wrong, you really do have potential.
Kendra: Potential? I could wipe the floor with you right now!
Buffy: That would be anger you're feeling.
Kendra: What?
Buffy: You feel it, right? How the anger gives you fire? A Slayer needs that.

Kendra: It is procedure.
Buffy: It's brainless, you mean! If we don't go now, Angel could die.
Kendra: Is that all you're worried about? Your boyfriend?
Buffy: No, it's not all, but it's enough.

Kendra: He's a vampire. He should die. Why am I the only person who sees it?

Spike: Right, then! Now we just let them come to a simmering boil, and remove to a low flame.

Spike: It bugs me, too, seeing him like that. Another five minutes, though, and Angel will be dead, so... I forebear. Don't feel too bad for Angel, though, he's got something you don't have.
Buffy: What's that?
Spike: Five minutes.

Kendra: Two Slayers!
Buffy: No waiting!

Spike: I'd rather be fightin' you anyway.
Buffy: Mutual.

Kendra, after being stabbed: That's me favourite shirt! That's me only shirt!

Oz, eating animal crackers: Oh, look! Monkey! And he has a little hat. And little pants.
Willow: Yeah, I see!
Oz: The monkey's the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that? You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen. So, I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "Hey, man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity!" And you know the monkey's just, (French accent) "I mock you with my monkey pants!" And there's a big coup in the zoo.
Willow: The monkey is French?
Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?

Xander: What happened, there's a total explanation for it.
Cordelia: You're a pervert?
Xander: Me?
Cordelia: Yeah!
Xander: No-no-no-no! I seem to recall I was the jumpee, my friend!
Cordelia: As if! You've probably been planning this for months!
Xander: Right, I hired a Latvian bug man to kill Buffy so I could kiss you. I hate to burst your bubble, but you don't inspire me to spring for a dinner over at Bucky's Fondue Hut.
Cordelia: Fine! Whatever. You know, the point is, don't try it again!
Xander: I didn't try it!! Forget about the bugs, okay? The memory of your lips on mine makes my blood run cold.
Cordelia: If you dare breathe a word of this...
Xander: Like I want anyone to know!
Cordelia: Then it's erased!
Xander: Never happened!
Cordelia: Good!
Xander: Good!
Cordelia: Good!
(They stare at each other, then kiss quite a bit.)

Buffy: I, um... I just wanted to thank you for helping me save Angel.
Kendra: I am not tellin' me Watcher about that. It is too strange that a Slayer loves a vampire.
Buffy: Tell me about it.
Kendra: Still, he is pretty cute.
Buffy: Well, maybe they won't fire me for dating him.
Kendra: You always do that.
Buffy: Do what?
Kendra: You talk about slaying like it's a job. It's not. It's who you are.
Buffy: Did you get that from your handbook?
Kendra: From you.
Buffy: I guess it's something I really can't fight. I'm a freak.
Kendra: Not the only freak.
Buffy: Not anymore.