If the Apocalypse comes, beep me.

Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

Giles: Poor technique. Prioritizing sub par... Execution was adequate, but a bit too bloody for my taste.
Buffy: Giles, don't mention it. It was my pleasure to make the world safe for humanity again.
Giles: I'm not saying that your methods are without merit, it's, uh, you're spending too much time and energy. It should simply be "plunge, and move on." Plunge and... Hello. (finding a ring)
Buffy: Oh, that's great! I kill 'em, you fence their stuff.

Buffy: See, this is a school, and we have students, and they check out books, and then they learn things.
Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.

Giles: Oh, Emily Dickinson.
Buffy: We're both fans.
Giles: Yes, uh, she's quite a good poet, I mean for a...
Buffy: A girl?
Giles: For an American.

Buffy: Well, we'll be ready whenever it is.
Giles: Which is tonight.
Buffy: Tonight, okay... Not okay! It can't be tonight!
Giles: My calculations are precise.
Buffy: They're bad calculations! Bad!
Willow: Buffy has a really important date.
Buffy: Owen!
Giles: All right, I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
Giles: Buffy, this is no ordinary vampire. But we have to stop him before he reaches the Master.
Buffy: But... Cute guy! Teenager! Post-pubescent fantasies!

Giles: Well, you know what they say. 90% of the vampire slaying game is waiting.
Buffy: You couldn't have told me that 90% ago?

Xander: So you just went home?
Buffy: What was I supposed to do? Say to Owen, "Sorry I was late, I was sitting in a cemetery with the librarian waiting for a vampire to rise so I could prevent an evil prophecy from coming to pass"?
Xander: Or "flat tire"?

Xander: You're acting a little overly, aren't you? I mean, you could have any guy in school.
Buffy: He's not any guy. He's more... Oweny.
Xander: Sure, he's got a certain Owenosity, but that's not hard to find. I mean, a lotta guys read. I can read.

Buffy: Tonight? You and me?
Owen: Well, we could invite the chess club, but they drink and they start fights.

Buffy, making Xander help her choose a dress: Okay, do I want to appear shy, coy and naive or unrestrained, insatiable and aggressive?
Xander: Uh, y'know, Owen is a little homespun, he probably doesn't like that overly assertive look. Oh, hey, here's something. A nice comfy overcoat and a ski cap! The ear flaps will bring out your eyes!
Buffy: Maybe I should mix and match. Okay, guy's opinion. (Picks up two lipsticks) Which one do you think Owen will like better? The red or the peach?
Xander: Oh, you mean for kissing you and then telling all his friends how easy you are so the whole school loses respect for you and then talks behind your back? The red's fine.
Buffy: Thanks. I'll go with the peach.

Buffy: Oh, I don't know. Where do you suppose young kids go on dates these days?
Willow: Well, I read somewhere once that sometimes they go to movies.
Buffy: Movies! Interesting!
Willow: And I saw on TV once, a bunch of people our age went to a party.
Buffy: Wow! I never knew being a teenager was so full of possibilities!

Giles: You have a date.
Buffy: Yes, but I will return those overdue books by tomorrow.
Giles: Wait, you're not getting off that easily.
Owen: Man, you really care about your work!

Owen: What, she doesn't like to dance?
Xander: Well, it's a little too late to do anything about that. Uh, you should probably know that Buffy doesn't like to be kissed. Actually she doesn't like to be touched.
Willow: Xander...
Xander: As a matter of fact, don't even look at her.

Buffy: A cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer!

Buffy: If the apocalypse comes, beep me.

Cordelia: Owen! Look at you, here all alone...
Owen: Cordelia, I'm here with Buffy.
Cordelia: Oh! Okay. Do you wanna dance?
Owen: No, I'm still here with Buffy.
Cordelia: You are so good to help the needy.

Xander: Look, I hate to state the obvious, but this looks like a job for Buffy?
Giles: Uh, she has her, her... beeping thing! Um, no phone, of course.

Cordelia, seeing Angel: Pick up the phone, call 911. That boy is gonna need some serious oxygen after I'm through with him.

Angel: What do you know?
Buffy: Prophecy, Anointed One, yada yada yada...

Angel: You're here on a date?
Buffy: Yes! Why is it such a shock to everyone?

Buffy: Bite me!

Buffy: What happened?
Giles: Uh, two more of the brethren came in here. They came after me. But I was more than a match for them.
Buffy: Meaning...?
Giles: I hid. This, uh, chap [dead guy] was good enough to bunk with me till they went away.

Owen: I read a lot about death, but... but I've... never really seen a dead body before. Do they... usually move?

Owen: Did you see that? He tried to bite me! What a sissy!

Buffy: You killed my date!

Owen: I think you're the coolest!
Buffy: Really?
Owen: I mean, last night was incredible! I never thought nearly getting killed would make me feel so... alive!

Giles: I was ten years old when my father told me I was destined to be a Watcher. He was one, and his mother before him, and I was to be next.
Buffy: Were you thrilled beyond all measure?
Giles: No, I had very definite plans about my future. I was going to be a fighter pilot. Or possibly a grocer.