Now, we can do this the hard way, or... well, actually there's just the hard way.

Welcome to the Hellmouth

Xander, after falling down the stairs on his skateboard: I'm okay. I feel good.

Xander: Willow! You're so very much the person that I wanted to see!
Willow: Oh, really?
Xander: Yeah. You know, I kinda had a problem with the math.
Willow: Uh, which part?
Xander: The math. Can you help me out tonight, pleeeease, be my study buddy?
Willow: Well, what's in it for me?
Xander: A shiny nickel!
Willow: Okay. Do you have Theories in Trig? You should check it out.
Xander: Check it out?
Willow: From the library? Where the books live.

Xander to Willow: Well, you're certainly a font of nothing!

Mr. Flutie: Buffy Summers, sophomore, late of Hemery High in Los Angeles. Interesting record, quite a career... (tears the sheet of paper up) Welcome to Sunnydale! A clean slate, Buffy, that's what you get here. What's past is past. We're not interested in what it says on a piece of paper, even if it says... (reading) Whoa.
Buffy: Mr. Flutie...
Mr. Flutie: All the kids here are free to call me Bob.
Buffy: Bob...
Mr. Flutie: But they don't.
Buffy: I know my transcripts are a little... colourful.
Mr. Flutie: Hey... We're not caring about that. Do you think, uh, "colourful" is the word? Not, uh, "dismal"?
Buffy: Wasn't that bad!
Mr. Flutie: You burned down the gym.
Buffy: I did, I really did, but... You're not seeing the big picture here, I mean, that gym was full of vampi... asbestos.

Xander, meeting Buffy: Can I have you? Duh... Can I help you?

Buffy: I'm Buffy. I'm new.
Xander: Xander. Is, is me. Hi.
Buffy: Um, thanks.
Xander: Well, uh, maybe I'll see you around... maybe at school... since we... both... go there.
Buffy: Great! It was nice to meet you.
Xander, to himself: We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic.

Cordelia: Oh, I would kill to live in L.A. That close to that many shoes?!

Cordelia: Well, you'll be okay here. If you hang with me and mine, you'll be accepted in no time. Of course, we do have to test your coolness factor. You're from L.A., so you can skip the written, but let's see. Vamp nail polish.
Buffy: Um, over?
Cordelia: So over. James Spader.
Buffy: He needs to call me!
Cordelia: Frappaccinos.
Buffy: Trendy, but tasty.
Cordelia: John Tesh.
Buffy: The Devil.
Cordelia: That was pretty much a gimme, but... you passed!
Buffy: Oh, goody!

Cordelia: Willow! Nice dress! Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears.
Willow: Uh, oh, well, my mom picked it out.
Cordelia: No wonder you're such a guy magnet.
Click here to hear a sound file of the softer side (60k)

Cordelia on the Bronze: It's in the bad part of town.
Buffy: Where's that?
Cordelia: About a half a block from the good part of town. We don't have a whole lot of town here.

Giles: I'm Mr. Giles. The librarian. I was told you were coming.
Buffy: Great! So, um, I'm gonna need Perspectives on 20th Century...
Giles: I know what you're after!
(He shows her a book entitled "VAMPYR")
Buffy: That's not what I'm looking for.
Giles: Are you sure?
Buffy: I'm way sure.
Giles: My mistake.

Female student: The new kid? She seems kind of weird to me. What kind of name is Buffy?
Passing friend: Hey, Aphrodisia!
Female student: Oh, Hey!

Willow: He was a curator at some British museum, or, The British Museum, I'm not sure. But he knows everything, and he brought all these historical volumes and biographies and am I the single dullest person alive?
Buffy: Not at all.

Jesse: Is it me, or are you turning into a bibbling idiot?
Xander: No, it's, uh, it's not you.

Xander, returning Buffy's stake to her: The only thing I can think is that you're building a really little fence.
Buffy: No, um, actually it was for self-defense. Everyone has them in L.A. Pepper spray is just so passé.

Cordelia: I don't mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you that you won't be meeting Coach Foster, the woman with the chest hair, because gym was cancelled due to the extreme dead guy in the locker.

Cordelia: Some guy was stuffed in Aura's locker!
Buffy: Dead.
Cordelia: Totally dead. Way dead.
Xander: It's not just a little dead then?
Cordelia: Don't you have an elsewhere to be?

Buffy: 'Cause, it's the weirdest thing. He's got two little, little holes in his neck, and all his blood's been drained. Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going, oooo?
Giles: I was afraid of this.
Buffy: Well, I wasn't! It's my first day! I was afraid that I was gonna be behind in all my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair. I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus.

Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you.

Giles: You really have no idea what's going on, do you? You think it's co-incidence, your being here? That boy was just the beginning.
Buffy: Oh, why can't you people just leave me alone?
Giles: Because you are the Slayer. Into each generation a Slayer is born, one girl in all the world, a Chosen One, one born with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires...
Buffy: ...with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires, to stop the spread of their evil blah, blah, blah... I've heard it, okay?

Giles: What do you know about this town?
Buffy: It's two hours on the freeway from Neiman Marcus?

Giles: Like zombies, werewolves, incubi, succubi, everything you've ever dreaded was under your bed, but told yourself couldn't be by the light of day. They're all real!
Buffy: What? You, like, sent away for the Time-Life series?
Giles: Uh, yes.
Buffy: Did you get the free phone?
Giles: Um, the calendar.

Giles: A Slayer slays, a Watcher...
Buffy: ...watches?

Giles: Something's coming, something, something... something is, is gonna happen here. Soon!
Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?

Buffy, trying dresses: Hi! I'm an enormous slut! Hello! Would you like a copy of The Watchtower?

Buffy's Mom: Are you going out tonight?
Buffy: Yeah, I'm going to a club.
Buffy's Mom: Oh. Will there be boys there?
Buffy: No, Mom. It's a nun club.

Angel: I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite.

Buffy: What do you want?
Angel: The same thing you do.
Buffy: Okay. What do I want?
Angel: To kill them. To kill them all.
Buffy: Sorry, that's incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax. What I want is to be left alone!

Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: Let's just say... I'm a friend.
Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.
Angel: I didn't say I was yours.

Willow: No, I'm just here. I thought Xander was gonna show up.
Buffy: Oh, are you guys going out?
Willow: No, we're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up.
Buffy: How come?
Willow: He stole my Barbie. We were five.
Buffy: Oh.
Willow: I I I don't actually date a whole lot... lately.
Buffy: Why not?
Willow: Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty, or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Buffy: It's not that bad!
Willow: No, it is. I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.
Buffy: You really haven't been dating lately.

Buffy: So, you like to party with the students. Isn't that kinda skanky?
Giles: Oh, right, this is me having fun. Watching... clown hair prance about is hardly my idea of a party. I'd much rather be at home with a cup of Bovril and a good book.
Buffy: You need a personality, stat!

Giles: Who told you this?
Buffy: This... guy. Dark, gorgeous in an annoying sort of way. I figured you two were buds.
Giles: No. The Harvest. Did he say anything else?
Buffy: Something about the Mouth of Hell. I really didn't like him!

Cordelia: My mom doesn't even get out of bed anymore. And the doctor says it's Epstein-Barr. I'm like, please! It's chronic hepatitis, or at least chronic fatigue syndrome. I mean, nobody cool has Epstein-Barr anymore.

Buffy to Giles: You're like a textbook with arms.

Buffy, showing off her vampire-spotting skills: Oh, please! Look at his jacket. He's got the sleeves rolled up, and the shirt! Deal with that outfit for a moment.
Giles: It's dated?
Buffy: It's carbon dated. Trust me, only someone living underground for ten years would think that was still the look.

Cordelia, being grabbed by Buffy: God! What is your childhood trauma?!

Cordelia: Excuse me, I have to call everyone I have ever met, right now.

Giles: The vampire is not dead?
Buffy: No, but my social life is on the critical list.

Darla: Is this the best you could do?
Thomas: She's fresh!
Darla: Hardly enough to share.
Thomas: Why didn't you bring your own?
Darla: I did.

Jesse: Y'know, you gave me a hickey.
Darla, to Thomas: I got hungry on the way.

Darla: Who the hell are you?
Buffy: You mean there's actually someone in this town who doesn't know already? Whew, that's a relief, I'm telling you! Having a secret identity in this town is a job of work.

Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way, or... well, actually there's just the hard way.

Buffy: You know, I just wanted to start over. Be like everybody else. Have some friends, y'know, maybe a dog... But, no, you had to come here, you couldn't go suck on some other town.