We're still the undead's favourite party town.

When She Was Bad

Buffy's parents discussing her:
Buffy's dad: It's so strange. You know, at least when she was burning stuff down I knew what to say
Buffy's Mom: Well, welcome to my world.

Cordelia: It was a nightmare, a total nightmare. I mean, they promised me they'd take me to St. Croix, and then they just decide to go to Tuscany. Art and buildings? I was totally beachless for a month and a half. No one has suffered like I have. Of course I think that that kind of adversity builds character. Well, then I thought, I already have a lot of character. Is it possible to have too much character?

Snyder: I mean, it's incredible. One day the campus is completely bare. Empty. The next, there are children everywhere. Like locusts. Crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating. Destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist.
Giles: I do enjoy these pep talks. Have you ever considered, given your abhorrence of children, school's principal was not, perhaps, your true vocation?
Snyder: Somebody's got to keep an eye on them. They're just a bunch of hormonal time bombs. Every time a pretty girl walks by every boy turns into a gibbering fool.
Giles: Ms. Calendar!
Ms Calendar: Mr. Giles!
Giles: Well, I, uh, um... Hello!
Snyder: You see the way these kids gaze at each other... all moony.
Ms Calendar: It's good to see you.
Giles: Yes.
Snyder: You think they're thinking about learning?
Giles: Uh, were you headed to the, uh, faculty room?
Ms Calendar: Sounds like fun! (they go off)
Snyder: I try and tell 'em about the important things in life. Discipline, responsibility, punctuality. Might as well be talking to myself.

Ms Calendar: We've got vampires? I thought the Hellmouth was closed.
Giles: Well, it's closed, but not gone. The mystical energy that emanates from it is still concentrated in this area.
Xander: Which means we're still the undead's favorite party town.
Giles: I wonder if they're here for any purpose, particularly.
Buffy: You're the Watcher. I just work here.
Giles: Yes, I must consult my books.
Xander: Oh, eight minutes and thirty-three seconds. (to Willow) Pay up. (to Giles) I called ten minutes before you'd consult your books about something.

Buffy: Peachy. So, is this a social call? It is kinda late. Or, well, it is for me, anyway. What is it for you, lunch hour?
Angel: It's not a social call.
Buffy: Ah. So, let me guess. That means grave danger. Gosh, it's good to be home.

Buffy's Mom: Is there the slightest chance that if I asked you what was wrong you would tell me? 'Course not. It would take all the fun out of guessing.

Willow: Angel stopped by? Wow. Was there... Well, I mean, was it having to do with kissing?
Buffy: Willow, grow up. Not everything is about kissing.
Xander: Yeah. Some stuff's about groping.

Xander: Oh, hey, did you guys hear that Cibo Matto's gonna be at the Bronze tonight?
Willow: Cibo Matto? They're playing?
Xander: No, Willow, they're gonna be clog dancing.
Willow: Cibo Matto can clog dance? Oh, sarcasm, right.

Cordelia: Oh, look, it's the Three Musketeers.
Buffy: Was that an insult?
Xander: Kinda lacked punch.
Willow: The Three Musketeers were cool.
Cordelia: I see your point.
Xander: I woulda gone with Stooges.

Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open and sound is coming from it. This is never good.

Willow: You haven't been talking about our little adventure all summer, have you?
Cordelia: Are you nuts? Do you think I would tell people that I spent the whole evening with you?

Cordelia: Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?
Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
Cordelia: I can hold my own. You know, we've never really been close, which is nice, 'cause I don't really like you that much, but... you have on occasion saved the world and stuff, so I'm gonna do you a favour.
Buffy: And this great favour is...?
Cordelia: I'm gonna give you some advice. Get over it.
Buffy: Excuse me?
Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.
Buffy: I think it's about time you start minding your own business.
Cordelia: It's long past.

Willow: She's possessed!
Giles: Possessed?
Willow: That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I mean, you should've seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy.
Xander: Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? ... She's possessed.
Giles: Possessed by what?
Willow: A... possessing thing!
Giles: Well, that narrows it down.

Willow: That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Giles: Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A bitca?

Snyder: There're some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: No, actually that would be one of the five.

Buffy, reading a note attached to Cordelia's bracelet: This is Cordelia's. "Come to the Bronze before it opens, or we make her a meal."
Xander: They're gonna cook her dinner? I'll pretend I didn't say that.

Willow: Well, what about the rest of the note?
Buffy: What rest of the note?
Willow: The part that says, "P.S. This is a trap"?

Buffy: Y'know, being stalked isn't really a big turn-on for girls.
Angel: You need help. Someone to watch your back.
Buffy: Sure you don't mean my neck?
Angel: Why are you ridin' me?
Buffy: Because I don't trust you. You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry, was that an offensive term? Should I say "undead American"?

Vampire: What are you gonna do? Kill me?
Buffy: As a matter of fact ...yes. But since I'm not gonna kill you any time soon, the question becomes... how are we gonna pass the time till then?

Absalom: Your day is done, girl. I'll grind you into a sticky paste, and hear you beg before I smash in your face.
Buffy: So, are you gonna kill me or are we just making small talk?

Cordelia: What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is?
Ms Calendar: What?
Cordelia: It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry clean till judgement day, you are living with those stains.
Ms Calendar: Yeah that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat: the stains.
Cordelia: I hear ya!

Buffy: I don't think I can face them.
Giles: Of course, you can.
Buffy: I can't! What am I supposed say? "Sorry I almost got your throat slit. What's the homework?"
Giles: Punishing yourself like this is pointless.
Buffy: It's entirely pointy. I was a moron. I put my best friends in mortal danger on the second day of school.
Giles: What are you gonna do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?
Buffy: Would it have cable?
Giles: Buffy, you acted wrongly, I admit that. But believe me, that was hardly the, the worst mistake you'll ever make. Uh, that wasn't quite as comforting as it was meant to be.

Making plans for tonight:
Xander: Well, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a sledgehammer, but, gosh, we did that last night.