No one knows what it's like to be the bad man...
To be the sad man behind blue eyes...

Where the Wild Things Are

Anya: You don't find me attractive any more.
Xander: What are you talking about? I think you're gorgeous.
Anya: Oh, really? Well then, why didn't we have sex last night?
Xander: Is that what this is about? We've gone other nights without sex.
Anya: I know. Twice! I can't believe we're breaking up.

Riley: Buffy, hey, look at the time. Don't you, uh, have a class?
Buffy: Yeah, in about 20 minutes.
Riley: Yeah, but ... I have that ... thing...
Buffy: Right, that ... thing, we could ... squeeze in ... before.
Riley: Yeah.
Buffy: Bye!
Riley: Gotta run. (They leave)
Willow: They, they're probably going to...
Giles: Yes, thank you Willow, I did attend university in the Mesozoic era, I do remember what it's like.

Spike, trying to scare Anya: Grr! Oh, it's you.
Anya: Spike! What are you doing? You made me yell really high.
Spike: Hey! Yeah, I did. I scared you. Gimme money.
Anya: I'm not paying you for scaring me.
Spike: You're not paying me. I'm robbing you.
Anya: Oh, well now that's just ludicrous. You can't hurt me because you've got that chip in your brain. Also, I like my money the way it is... when it's mine. Oh, now come on. You're not even bumpy any more.

Willow: Hey, Buffy, this might be a good time to mention that someone, so not me, spilled something purply on your new peasant top which I would never borrow without asking. Still love me?
Buffy: staring at Riley: Uh-huh.

Anya: A year and a half ago, I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler.
Spike: You know ... you take the killing for granted. And then it's gone, and you're like, "I wish I'd appreciated it more." Stopped and smelled the corpses, you know?
Anya: Yeah. Now everything's complicated.
Spike: It's a terrible thing, love is. I been there myself. It ended badly.
Anya: Of course it did. It always does. Seen a thousand relationships. First there's the love, and sex, and then there's nothing left but the vengeance. That's how it works.
Spike: You and I should just go do the vengeance. Both of us! You eviscerate Xander, and I'll stake Dru. Like a project.

Xander: "Lowell house. 1962."
Julie: Yes.
Xander: Um, just, you know, impressing you with my knowledge of local history. Or my knowledge of reading.
Julie: You didn't even have to sound anything out.
Xander: You should see me add short columns of small numbers.
Julie, laughing: You're funny.
Xander: Thanks. I mean ... funny "how amusing," or funny "back away and avoid eye contact"?
Julie: Hmm ... kinda both.

Spike: What are you doing? You brought me here?
Xander: Anya? What are you doing? You brought him here?
Spike: That's what I said! Only I hit the "here" part.
Xander: Anya, this is crazy. We had a little fight. It just means that we have to work our way through some stuff. It doesn't mean that we rebound with the evil undead. And what have we been doing with him anyway?
Spike: Oh, who's the puffed-up manly man? All splotchy and possessive.
Anya: It's not very convincing, is it?
Spike: Yeah. I see now what you said about him earlier. No follow-through.
Xander, yelling: Hey! What a surprise! Hostile 17! Can I get you a drink, Hostile 17?

Anya: We didn't have sex, if that's what you mean. That's all I do now, not have sex.

Anya: I'm just trying to tell you that we have nothing in common besides both of us liking your penis.

Xander, finding people playing Spin the Bottle: Huh. Sometimes I just don't get the sophisticated college lifestyle.

Xander: Very smooth cheek you have there. Do you exfoliate?

Willow: Xander. Ghost boy. Drowning in a tub. I tried to save him, but, being a ghost already, well, I was way too late.
Xander: A ghost? What's the deal? Is every frat on this campus haunted? And if so, why do people keep coming to these parties, cause it's not the snacks.

Willow: We have to go back in there.
Anya: Why?
Xander: Because Buffy and Riley are trapped.
Anya: So? She's the Slayer, he's a big soldier boy, what do they need you for?
Xander: Anya, look around! There's ghosts and shaking, and people are going all Felicity with their hair... We're fresh out of superpeople, and somebody's gotta go back in there. Now who's with me?
Spike: I am. I know I'm not the first choice for heroics ... and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once. And, I don't fancy a single one of you at all. But... Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. (Walks off)

(Finding Giles singing The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" and playing the guitar)
Xander: Um, could we go back to the haunted house? Cause, this is creeping me out.
Tara: Does he do this a lot?
Xander: Sure. Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange.

Giles: When you called to Buffy and Riley, they didn't cry out or, or respond in any way?
Anya: No. They're probably dead.
Xander: Unless they're too busy doin' it to answer.
Giles: Doing what?
Xander: You know, for a god of acoustic rock... kind of naive.
Giles: I didn't think you meant ... In the midst of all that, do you really think they were keeping it up? Oh, for a different phrasing.

Mrs. Holt: I treated them as I would my own flesh and blood. Gave them hugs and praise when they were good, and punished them when they were dirty.
Giles: Well, ah, children will be children. They, you know, they do like to play in the muck.
Anya: You didn't mean mud dirty.

Mrs. Holt: They needed to be reborn. You choose to pass judgement on me?
Giles: Well, someone ought to! You traumatized and abused these children, children who have no doubt become extremely disturbed adults! You have ruined lives, Mrs. Holt. Furthermore, what you did has now manifested itself as a malevolent presence which threatens still more lives! You have a great deal to answer for.
Mrs. Holt: I refuse to listen to this when I can smell the sin on each and every one of you.
Xander: Yeah? You smell sin? Well let me tell you something, lady, she who smelt it dealt it! (At Giles's look) It's like what you said, but faster.

Xander: So with Buffy and Riley having ... you know, acts of nakedness around the clock lately, maybe they set something free. Like a ... big burstin' poltergasm.

Xander: What do you feel?
Anya: Sad, afraid of being without you, and a little hungry.
Xander: I meant about the house.
Anya: Oh. Still haunted.

Tara: We implore you ... be still.
Giles: Find it in your hearts to leave our friends passage.
Willow: Transform your pain. Release your past. And ... uh ... get over it.

Buffy: Xander! Don't you knock?

Riley: I can't believe it really happened.
Buffy: I just had no idea. It's so creepy! He was really singing?
Xander: I'd say it was more like crooning. (To Anya) If we grow old together, remind me to skip the midlife crisis.
Anya: Okay.
Willow: Come on, you have to admit, it was kinda sexy.
Xander: Please stop saying that. I'm willing to offer cash incentives.

Willow: Really, it wasn't your fault. You were under the influence of powerful magicks.
Buffy: We were like zombies. I had no control over myself at all.
Willow: Must have been horrible.
Buffy: Yeah. Horrible.
Riley: Uh-huh.
Buffy: Mm-hmm.
Riley: It was bad.