I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.

The Wish

Cordelia: Go ahead. Dazzle me with your oh-so-brilliant insults. Just join the club.

Xander: Excuse me. I need to be both giving and receiving of mirth. Is it too much to ask for a little backup?
Buffy: I'm here for you, Xand. I'm Support-O-Gal.

Xander: Look, you want to do guilt-a-palooza, fine, but I'm done with that. Starting this minute, I'm gonna grab ahold of that crazy little thing called life and let it do its magical little heal-y thing. What's done is done. Let's be in the moment. Behold the beauty that is now. Who's with me?
Buffy: He's actually making sense. We're young and free in America. How dare we be spun by love or the lack of same?
Willow: Absolutely. It's self-indulgent. I'm in. I'm on the joy train.

Cordelia: You know what I've been asking myself a lot this last week? Why me? Why do I get impaled? Why do I get bitten by snakes? Why do I fall for incredible losers? And you know, I think I've finally figured it out, what my problem is? It's... Buffy Summers. That's when all my troubles started. When she moved here.

Cordelia: I never would've looked twice at Xander if Buffy hadn't made him marginally cooler by hanging with him.
Anya: Really?
Cordelia: Yeah, I swear! I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale!
Anya, in her demon form: Done.

Harmony: Cordy, you reign!
Cordelia: I do? I mean, I do.

Cordelia: You're right. I just... Well, I bumped my head yesterday, and I keep forgetting stuff. Not that I care, but Xander Harris, he's miserable, right? And that Willow freak he hangs with, not even a blip on the radar screen, right?
Harmony, confused: Well, yeah. They're dead.

Vampire Xander: Well, whadaya know? Cordelia Chase.
Cordelia: What is this? Some kind of sick joke? Harmony told me you were dead.
Xander: Now, why would she say something like that? Let's think.
Cordelia: Listen to me. We have to find Buffy. She'll figure out a way to save us. She was supposed to be here, and as much as it kills me to admit it... things were better when she was around.
Xander: Buffy? The Slayer?
Cordelia: No! Buffy the dog-faced girl! Duh! Who do you think I'm talking about?
Vampire Willow: Bored now. This is the part that's less fun. When there isn't any screaming.

Cordelia: No. No! No way! I wish us into Bizarro Land, and you guys are still together?! I cannot win!!

Xander: Weird thing: girl kept talking about Buffy. "Gotta get Buffy here." Isn't that what they called the Slayer?
Willow: Hmm. "Buffy." Ooo. Scary.
Xander: Someone has to talk to her people. That name is striking fear in nobody's hearts.

Cordelia: No! You have to get Buffy. Buffy changes it. It wasn't like this. It was better. I mean, the clothes alone...

Willow: So, you're pleased?
Master: Ecstatic.
Willow: Then... can I play with the puppy?
Master: Ooo. Be my guest.

Willow: Bored now. (14K) Daytime's the worst. Cooped up for hours. Can't hunt. But the Master said I could play. Isn't that fun, Puppy? Aww... Puppy's being all quiet. Come on. Don't be a spoilsport.

Willow: That's right, Puppy... Willow's gonna make you bark.

Giles: Anyanka is a sort of a Patron Saint of scorned women.
Larry: What does she do?
Giles: She grants wishes.
Oz: So Cordelia wished for something? Well, if it was a long, healthy life, she should get her money back.

Giles: Buffy Summers?
Buffy: That's right. Wanna tell me what I'm doing here?

Buffy: The world is what it is. We fight. We die. Wishing doesn't change that.
Giles: I have to believe in a better world.
Buffy: Go ahead. I have to live in this one.

Angel: What's the plan?
Buffy, holding a stake: Don't fall on this.

Willow: Uh-oh. Puppy got out.

Giles: I'm not afraid of you. Your only power lies in the wishing.
Anyanka: Wrong!

Anyanka: You trusting fool! How do you know the other world is any better than this?
Giles: Because it has to be.

Cordelia: I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.
Anya: Done. (Nothing happens)
Cordelia: That would be cool! No, wait. I wish Buffy Summers had never been born.
Anya: Done!
Cordelia: And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair.
Anya: Done!
Cordelia: In fact, I wish all men except maybe the dumb and the really agreeable kind disappear off the face of the earth. That would be so cool! Or maybe...