That's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth!

The Witch

Xander: Ooo, stretchy! Where was I?
Willow: You were pretending that seeing scantily clad girls in revealing postures was a spiritual experience.
Xander: Who said I was pretending?

Buffy: Hmm, that much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some quality matricide.

Giles: Spontaneous human combustion is rare, and scientifically unexplainable, but there have been cases for hundreds of years. Usually all that's left is a pile of ashes.
Willow: That's all that would have been left if it hadn't been for Buffy.
Xander: So, we have no idea what caused this. That's a comfort.
Giles: But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth! There's a veritable cornucopia of fiends and devils and ghouls to engage. (at everyone's stares) Pardon me for finding the glass half full.

Xander: So maybe Amber's got this power to make herself be on fire. It's like the human torch, only it hurts.

Xander: What d'ya mean? We're a team! Aren't we a team?
Willow: Yeah! You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!
Buffy: I just don't like putting you guys in danger.
Xander: Oh, huh, I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.

Buffy: We had tryouts today.
Buffy's Mom: Oh, great! How'd it go?
Buffy: I didn't actually get to try out. There was an accident. Pretty fierce competition, though.
Buffy's Mom: Oh, I know you'll do fine. Keep on pluggin', just have to get back on the horse.
Buffy: Mom?
Buffy's Mom: Yeah?
Buffy, testing her: What was I trying out for?
Buffy's Mom: Oh, uh... Some activity? I have no idea, I'm sorry.
Buffy: That's okay. Your platitudes are good for all occasions.

Cordelia: I have a dream. It's me on the cheerleading squad, adored by every varsity male as far as the eye can see! We have to achieve our dreams, Amy. Otherwise we wither and die!

Xander: Cool! Was she wearing it? The bracelet, she was wearing it, right? Pretty much like we're going out.
Willow: Except without the hugging or kissing or her knowing about it.
Xander: So I'm just a figure of fun.

Xander: For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me. (43K)

Buffy, looking at her Mom's high school yearbook: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.
Buffy's Mom: This is Gidgit hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?

Buffy's mom, to herself: Great parenting form! Little shaky on the dismount.

Xander: Cordelia, you haven't been mean to me all day. Is it something I've done? (to Willow) Okay, see how she has no clue that I'm even a mammal, much less a human being?
Willow: I see that.
Xander: This is the invisible man syndrome. A blessing in Cordelia's case. A curse in Buffy's.

Xander: First vampires, now witches. No wonder you can still afford a house in Sunnydale.
Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her?

Giles: Someone doesn't like cheerleading.
Buffy: Or likes it too much.
Willow: Amy!
Buffy: Amy!
Xander: So, you guys are leaning towards Amy?

Giles: Uh, let me make sure I have this right. This witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells so that she can become a cheerleader?

Xander: We're right behind you, only... further back.

Buffy, under the witch's spell: Hmm, I know you don't, that's cause you're my friend. You're my Xander-shaped friend! Do you have any idea why I love you so, Xander?
Willow: We gotta to get her to a...
Xander, shushing her: Let her speak!
Buffy: I'll tell you! You're not like other boys at all.
Xander: Well...
Buffy: You are totally, and completely one of the girls! (to Willow) I'm that comfy with him.
Xander: That's great.
Buffy: Any other guy who'd give me a bracelet, they'd... wanna date me, and be like a... Oh, I... I don't feel so good.

Xander: Well, how do we reverse the spell?
Giles: Well, I've been researching that, and we can reverse all the spells if, um... we can just lay our hands on, on Amy's spell book.
Willow: And if we can't get a hold of it?
Giles: Well, the other way is to cut the witch's head off.
Xander: Show of hands! (raises his hand)

Catherine, really Amy: She said I was wasting my youth. So she took it!

Willow, trying to distract Amy (Catherine): Wait! I need to talk to you, I can help you.
Amy: Help me? With what? Willow: Uh, well, y'know, all your witchcraft! I... know this really good cauldron.

Catherine: How dare you raise your hand to your mother! I gave you birth. I gave up my life so you could drag that worthless carcass around and call it living? You've never been anything but trouble. I'm going to put you where you can't make trouble again!
Buffy, suddenly appearing: Guess what? I feel better!

Catherine: That body was mine! Mine!
Buffy: Oh, grow up!

Cordelia: Hey, I'm really sorry you guys got bumped back to alternates. Hold it, wait. No I'm not. (72K)

Amy, on not being a cheerleader: Well, I know that I'll miss the intellectual thrill of spelling out words with my arms.