Manny, reading: "Love you. Jooo-rdan!
Emma: "Love you. Love you!"
Spike: How's that for a hairdo? Could I have been any cooler?
Emma: Uh, yeah.
Emma, finding a photo of the Zit Remedy in costume: People in the eighties were weird!
Snake, obviously new as a teacher: Hey guys, no running! No running! Okay, just keep running. Don't listen to me.
Caitlin, trying on Joey's fedora: Where's the shirt?
Snake: I don't know, I think Joey's still wearing it!
JT: I bet he lives in Scarborough and works at a video store. I bet he's forty and drools.
Emma: You still wet the bed, but I'm friends with you.
Emma: You hacked my email?? Haven't you heard of privacy?
Spike: Relax, I can't hack my way out of a paper bag. But I can tell when my daughter's getting interested in boys.
Emma: Mom, I'm not having sex!
Spike to Caitlin: I'm gonna have fun this weekend, right?
Emma: I’ve never had a boyfriend so smart, so thoughtful.
Manny: Em, you’ve never had a boyfriend.
Joey's commercial: Hey! We got white ones. We got red ones We got big ones and we got small ones. I’m gonna give you a bumper to bumper warranty. That’s right. At Jeremiah motors, if you find a lower price anywhere else, I’ll give you the shirt off my back!
Lucy: I refuse to have biological clock. Honestly, I don’t even feel it.
Spike: I wouldn’t mind going out on a date.
Caitlin: Oh my god that’s the best thing about Keith. No more flirting with men in sandals over organic food and environmental chit chat.
Lucy: Poor Caitlin. So many vegans, so little time.
Joey: Joey: Can we just say the past is the past, and that the present is now the past, and the future, is, uh, I don’t know what I’m saying.
Caitlin: Joey, with Julia, how did you know that it was right?
Joey: I loved that she called me Joe. Her hair, it smelled like rain. And she always, always made me laugh.
Caitlin: I’m sorry.
Joey: No, no, no, don’t be. I’m not. I was lucky.
Ashley: Dr. Fried says we need to work together and become more like siblings.
Terri: You fight all the time, you can’t stand the sight of each other; you’re already acting like siblings.
Paige: New year, new look, new Paige. (A guy walks by, staring at her, and bangs into a locker.) You’re putting up your campaign posters already?
Ashley: The election’s on Friday.
Paige: Wow, you’d rather on the issues than your appearance. That’s so... admirable.
Ms. Kwan: This year will I have to give you, what was it, another 14 detentions?
Spinner: Not if you don’t want to.
JT: If elected, I, JT Yorke, will do what a real politician would do: absolutely nothing. And, like a true politician, I will accept bribes.
JT: Ladies and gentleman, it’s a long year. You gotta vote for me. You need something to laugh at. Now if I could just say a few words about my presidential platform, this speech would be a whole lot shorter. But, seriously, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my zero years of political experience, well, it’s nothing.
JT: She’s got the looks, she’s got the brains, she’s got the brains, she’s got everything. Don’t pity her - pity me. Thank you. Oh, and by the way, I quit the race for school prez. Vote Ashley.
Ashley: You hate me that much?
Toby: Sometimes.
Ashley: I gotta admit sometimes I feel the same way about you. The fact is Toby, we have to live with each other in the same house and that sucks, right?
Toby: You can say that again.
Ashley: But does it have to such this much?
Toby: Maybe not.
Ashley: Maybe not. Are we bonding here?
Toby: Bonding? Us?
Ashley: Well, for the first time in a month, I don’t wanna rip your eyes out.
Toby: Wow, Dr. Fried would be so proud.
Toby and JT look at porn.
Toby: Whoa. Are those real?
JT: Real something.
Toby's dad, coming into the room: Actually, I’d say silicon.
Kate: Or saline solution.
JT: His dad and Kate came home early and found us.
Toby: They made us look at porn sites with them, including sites with men. To teach us a lesson about objectifying women.
Emma: they made you look at porn?
Manny: With them?
Emma: Males and females?
Toby: Not so loud, okay?
Emma and Manny: Losers.
Ashley: Hey, so how come you didn’t call me all weekend?
Terri: Because I wanted to fall off the face of the earth and die.