Let's Meet at Cafe Nervosa

Niles: I'll have a decaf latte, and please be sure to use skimmed milk.
Frasier: I'll have the same.
Waiter: Got it. Two Gutless Wonders.
Niles: He's certainly playing fast and loose with his tips for a man who drives a van.
You Can't tell a Crook by his Cover

Niles: Double Cappuccino, half-caf, not-fat milk, with just enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing but not so much that it leaves a moustache.
Eric: Cinnamon or chocolate on that?
Niles: Oh they make this so complicated. Um, cinnamon.
A Midwinter Night's Dream

Waitress: I'm sorry, sir, no dogs allowed.
Martin, holding out his hand as if blind: What?
Waitress: Oh, I'm sorry.
My Coffee with Niles

Martin: Coffee, black,and don't put anything fancy in it.
Waitress: We have two special coffees today. (Martin starts to give her a look) I'll surprise you.
My Coffee with Niles

Frasier, as Niles is served a second cup of coffee: Excuse me, what about mine?
Waitress: We've got a team of specialists working on it.
My Coffee with Niles

Niles: Do those chocolate shavings look any different to you?
Frasier: No.
Niles: Well, they do to me. I think they've switched to an inferior domestic brand. Hmmmm. Waxy!
The Matchmaker

Frasier: What are your specials today?
Waitress: Kenyan blend.
Frasier: No, no, no no. Still poaching elephants over there. Got something else?
Waitress: Dark roast Brazilian.
Frasier: Not until they do something about the loss of our rainforests.
Waitress: Salvadoran?
Frasier: No, I've never forgiven them for their human rights violations.
Waitress: Well, then we're down to the Hawaiian Kona blend. Or have they slaughtered too many macadamia nuts?
The Candidate

Niles: I'll have a grande half-caf latte, with a whisper of cinnamon, and for my father, plain coffee. I cannot emphasize the word "plain" enough. No foam, no cinnamon, no exotic flavors. If it is not plain, I take no responsibility for the consequences.
Waitress: How about a biscotti?
Niles: All right. But when you bring it, call it a cookie.
Police Story

Niles: Double latte, full fat, chocolate shavings.
Frasier: Ah. The self-pity special.
Agents in America

Niles: Double decaf, non-fat latte, medium foam, dusted with just the faintest whisper of cinnamon.
Frasier: I'll have a black coffee.
Niles: You'll have to forgive my brother, he just came in on the noon stage.
You Can Go Home Again

Frasier: I hope I never see the day when I'm so frightfully prententious that a good old cup of American coffee isn't good enough for me!
You Can Go Home Again

Niles: Can you believe the incompetence of that man! I very clearly asked for a whisper of cinnamon, and he's given me a full-throated shout! There are countries in this world where they would lop off his sprinkling hand!
You Can Go Home Again

Niles: Is it me or is the foam a tad dense today?
Frasier: Like a dreary fog on a Scottish moor.
Niles: Rather than accent, it overwhelms. Rather than flirt, it assaults.
A Crane's Critique

Niles: All week long, I have been getting less coffee and more foam in my cappuccino. It's about time for someone to raise a little hell. Who's on steamer duty?
Frasier: That hulking fellow Thad, the one who doesn't react when his arm touches the steamer nozzle.
Niles, turning away from Thad: Where is that suggestion box?
Our Parents Ourselves

Waiter 1: What can I get for you?
Niles: I'll have a double short, low fat, no foam latte.
Waiter 1: Double short, low fat, no foam latte!
Waitress: Double short, non fat, low foam latte!
Waiter 2: Double short, non fat, low foam latte!
Niles: Excuse me, I think there was a problem in the chain of command, the middle person reversed part of it. She said, "A double short, non fat, low foam latte."
Waiter 1: Double short, non fat, low foam latte!
Waitress: Double short, non fat, low foam latte!
Waiter 2: Double short, non fat, no foam latte!
Niles: No, it happened again, that's not what I want.
Waiter 2: Well, you can tell her youself.
Niles: All right, I'll have a double short, low fat, no foam latte.
Waitress: Double short, low fat, no foam latte.
Waiter 2: Double short, low fat, no foam latte. Nutmeg?
Waitress: Nutmeg?
Waiter 1: Nutmeg?
Niles: No thanks. It inflames my stomach lining.
Waiter 1: Inflames his stomach lining!
Waitress: Inflames his stomach lining!
Waiter 2: Inflames his stomach lining!
Niles: Stop that!
Desperately seeking Closure

Roz: God, do you realize how pathetic this is? It's 9:30 on a Saturday night and neither one of us is surprised to see the other one here alone. I've never seen this place looking so grim.
Niles: Oh, this is Mardi Gras compared to half an hour ago, when it was just me and an elderly gentleman who cleaned his teeth with his coffee stirrer, and then put them back in his mouth.
Shut Out in Seattle

Niles: Machiatto. Make it a double.
Frasier: Niles! Niles please, whatever's wrong, the answer doesn't lie at the bottom of an espresso cup.
Taking Liberties