Thanks for the Memory

Back to RD intro page

Holly: We're grooving tonight! Ahead groove factor five. Yeah!

Rimmer: I can't understand it. I've had so much to drink and it hasn't even afflicted me. I'm not in the least bit tiddly.
Lister: Oh yeah? Why are you dancing then?
Cat: Ha! You call that dancing? I've seen people on fire move better than that!

Lister: Whoa, Whoa! OK then! A toast. Gentlemen, and skutters, we are gathered here today to celebrate the anniversery of Mr Arnold Rimmer's death.
Rimmer: Right on baby.
Lister: And for this very special occasion I have baked - a cake.
Holly: What's that then?
Lister: It's in the shape of a spanner, Holly, cuz he was a technician.
Holly: Well that's very apt that is. If he'd been a postman you'd have baked it in the shape of an envelope, I suppose?
Lister: Yeah!
Holly: Gordon Bennett! It's lucky he's not a gynaecologist.

Lister: What time is it?
Rimmer (bleary-eyed): Saturday.
Lister: Is that the best you can do?
Rimmer: There are some numbers next to it, but they could be anything.

Rimmer eating a sandwich of Lister's devising: I feel like I'm having a baby!
Lister: It's good, innit?
Rimmer: It's incredible. Where did you get the recipe from?
Lister: I can't remember. I think it was a book on bacteriological warfare.
Rimmer: It's like a cross between food and bowel surgery.
Lister: It's well naughty. The trouble is you've got to eat it before the bread dissolves.
Rimmer: I could never invent a sandwich like this, Lister. You see, all the ingredients are wrong. The fried eggs, wrong; the chutney, wrong; the chili sauce, all wrong. But put them together and somehow it works. It becomes right. It's you - this sandwich, Lister, is you.
Lister: What are you saying to me, Rimmer?
Rimmer: You're wrong, right? All your ingredients are wrong. You're slobby, you've got no sense of discipline, you're the only man ever to get his money back from the Odour Eater people, but people like you, don't you see? That's why you're a fried egg, chili, chutney sandwich. Now me, now me ... All the ingredients are right. I'm disciplined, I'm organised, I'm dedicated to my career, I've always got a pen. Result? Total smeghead despised by everyone except the ship's parrot. And that's only because we haven't got one. Why? Why is that?
Lister: I suppose it's because you are a total smeghead.
Rimmer: But I'm not! I'm a nice guy! I'm a goodie.

Lister: Listen! Listen, Rimmer. If you tell me, right, you'll wake up in the morning. You'll have your hangover and you'll feel like death and you'll walk up to the mirror and you'll look in the mirror and you'll remember and you'll go, "Ahahahahah!!" (Sticking his fist in his mouth.) See, it's not worth it, I don't want to know, and believe me you don't want to tell me.
Rimmer: Once.
Lister: Smeg!

Rimmer: Yvonne McGruder. A single, brief liaison with the ship's female boxing champion. March the sixteenth, seven thirty one PM to seven forty three PM.
Lister: Please.
Rimmer: Twelve minutes.
Lister: Please!
Rimmer: And that includes the time it took to eat the pizza.

Lister: So, I mean, you haven't met the right girl yet.
Rimmer: No, I haven't, Lister. I haven't met the right girl and some just might say, given the fact that the human race no longer exists, coupled with the fact that I have passed on, some just might say that I'm leaving it a little bit on the late side.

Holly: Oi. Whose been messing with my star charts? Here I am trying to do the comprehensive, nay, definitive A-to-Z of the entire universe with street names, post offices, and little steeples and everything and some git's been fiddling with it.

Holly: Look, there's a perfectly logical explanation for everything. With the possible exception of little Jimmy Osmond.

Rimmer: Somehow we've lost the last four days.
Cat: Did you look behind the fridge? If you lose something it's nearly always there.

Lister: OK, aliens came aboard.
Rimmer: Without question.
Lister: They broke my leg.
Rimmer: For some reason.
Cat: They broke my leg.
Rimmer: Right.
Holly: And then they did a jigsaw.
Rimmer: Right.

Rimmer: Maybe, maybe, OK? Breaking your leg hurts like hell, OK? Hel. They do it below the knee, lo. "Hel-lo," get it? They do it twice - twice, two. "Hello two." And the jigsaw must mean "you." "Hello to you"!
Cat: I wouldn't like to be around when one of these suckers is making a speech!

Cat: And when he wakes up he'll think all this happened to him?
Lister: Yeah, the whole eight months.
Cat: Man, that's a fine present. He was probably only expecting a tie.

Rimmer: What a crazy, crazy year that was. The first three months I was at Saturn Tech doing a maintenance course. Then for absolutely no reason I suddenly moved to Liverpool. I drank too much, I smoked too much, I became a total slob. I met Lise, of course. I even started to eat my own toenail clippings. My tastes in music radically changed. I stopped adoring Mantovani and got into Rastabilly Skank. Crazy!

Rimmer: How could you do this to me? It's the most heart breakingly tragic thing it's ever been my misfortune to witness.
Cat: Popcorn?

Rimmer: You gave me eight months of your memory, as a present?
Lister: Yeah.
Rimmer: That's why I was an orphan, even though my parents were alive. That's why I had my appendix out ... twice.

Lister: So, so you're in pain, yeah? I know, but Rimmer, if you go through life without feeling, if you go through life never experiencing, you're no better than a jellyfish. No better than a bank manager.

Pick an episode from the list on the left or
come back to the intro page for more options