You gave up an opportunity to be Boy Wonder of American radio, to be the head guard of a nut farm.

Baby, If You've Ever Wondered

Baseball
Jennifer Falls in Love
Carlson for President
For Love or Money
Bad Risk
Put Up or Shut Up
Baby, If you've
Ever Wondered

Patter of Little Feet
God Talks to Johnny
Bailey's Big Break
Mike Fright
Les's Groupie
A Family Affair
Jennifer Home for Christmas
Sparky
The Americanization of Ivan
Herb's Dad
The Doctor's Daughter
Venus Rising
In Concert
Filthy Pictures
Most Improved Station


Bailey: Is that a bomb?
Herb: No, it's worse than a bomb. It's the book.
Bailey: Oh.
Les: The Arbitron book.
Bailey: I know, Les.
Les: It's the ratings.
Bailey: I know, Les.
Herb: Our fate packaged in a plain brown wrapper.
Bailey: I know, Herb.

Herb: What can we do?
Andy: Boil water, Herb, and lots of it.

Johnny: What's happening? What's the word?
Bailey: It's a boy.
Johnny: What?
Bailey: That was a joke. I made a joke. (turns away, disgusted with herself)

Les: All our jobs are on the line here!
Jennifer: Mine's not.

Les: All right, Travis, what about the really important stuff?
Andy: You mean the hog reports.
Les: Yes, of course.

Les: It says here my audience share of men 65 and over went down six points.
Herb: Let's face it Les - your audience is dying off.

Andy: Now overall, you're no longer working for the sixteenth station in an eighteen station market.
Venus: Yeah?
Andy: No sirree. You're working for the fourteenth.

Mr Carlson shows Jennifer his blueprints for the ideal radio station.
Jennifer:
What's this little area over here?
Mr Carlson: That's a little place where I can go, and nobody knows where I am.
Jennifer: A think tank.
Mr Carlson, liking the sound of that: Yeah, that's it. It's not a hiding place.

Andy on Les: When the Shah of Iran was overthrown, he missed it completely. His lead story for the day was about a hog that could do addition and subtraction.

Venus to Andy: You gave up an opportunity to be Boy Wonder of American radio, to be the head guard of a nut farm.

Andy: Let me ask you a question - am I the guard, or one of the nuts?
Venus: I think you're a guard on the way to becoming a nut.

Andy: You gotta give me credit for one thing though.
Venus: What's that?
Andy: I hired you.
Venus: That's when you were still perfect.

Venus: Andy, there's something I've been wanting to do for a while. Can I do it now?
Andy: Yeah sure I guess. (Venus messes up Andy's hair!!) You feel better about that now?
Venus: Oh yeah.
Andy: You do that again, I'm gonna break your leg.

Mr Carlson: I'd like to propose a toast to the man who's done it all.
Andy: Now wait a minute, I didn't do all this!
All: Sure you did!
Andy: I had help from you all!
Mr Carlson: You're responsible -
Andy: I am NOT responsible!!

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