Baseball Jennifer Falls in Love Carlson for President For Love or Money Bad Risk Put Up or Shut Up Baby, If you've Ever Wondered Patter of Little Feet God Talks to Johnny Bailey's Big Break Mike Fright Les's Groupie A Family Affair Jennifer Home for Christmas Sparky The Americanization of Ivan Herb's Dad The Doctor's Daughter Venus Rising In Concert Filthy Pictures Most Improved Station |
Les playing Bailey's audition tape: It must be at the wrong speed. It sounds like a woman!
Les: Bailey?
Andy: Sure, Les, Bailey. Why not?
Les: Now wait a minute Travis. She's young, and inexperienced, and she's a ...
Andy: A what?
Les: A w... a w... a w...
Andy: A woman, Les? There are thousands of stations in this country with women on the air.
Les: As disk jockeys, yes. But this is news, Travis, news - important stuff.
Andy: What about Barbara Walters?
Les: I west my case.
Les: Bailey. A voice doing news on the radio must be rich and full, with mellifluous, rounded tones. It must be... it must be a man's voice.
Les: Over my dead body.
Andy: All right. (Begins rolling his sleeves up)
Les: Wait a minute. What are you doing?
Andy: Stand still now, and don't squirm.
Les: Now about the format. Whenever possible I always try to lead with the hog futures, particularly in the morning.
Bailey: Why?
Les: Because, Bailey, that's what people are interested in.
Bailey: Yeah, but what if a really big story is breaking?
Les: Well, that's when you have to use your news judgement. There will always be exceptions. For instance, when President Richard Milhouse Nixon resigned, I led the news with that story. Looking back, I think I made the right decision.
Bailey: Look Herb, did you know that it's against the law to discriminate on the basis of sex?
Herb: I do everything on the basis of sex.
Venus: Wooo, Mr Macho!
Herb: You know Venus, I'm not real sure I know exactly what "macho" is, but whatever it is, I'm it.
Andy: Mr Carlson, I need to know where you stand on this issue.
Mr Carlson: Okay, the buck's got to stop somewhere. If a man can't stand the heat, he shouldn't go in the kitchen. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. He leaves and goes into the lobby.
Mr Carlson: Bailey Quarters.
Jennifer: Right.
Mr Carlson: You know the situation?
Jennifer: Roger.
Mr Carlson: On the air or off?
Jennifer: On.
Mr Carlson: We never had this conversation.
Jennifer: I don't remember it.
Mr Carlson, going back in his office: I've given this a lot of thought. Really struggled with this one. Hey, who's kidding who - I lost weight over it. But the bottom line is, Bailey goes on.
Bailey: Wait a minute. I'm gonna faint. No, no, I'm fine.
A commercial:
Hostess: More coffee, Harold?
Harold: Why, thanks!
Harold's wife: That's funny, he never wants a second cup of my coffee.
Harold: That's because your coffee stinks.
Andy: Les, try to be big about this.
Les: I'm sorry, Andy, but this is as big as it gets.
Mr Carlson, playing with a paper plane: Anybody here flown a Concord?
Jennifer: I do not lend men money. It makes them weak.
Bailey: It just doesn't make any sense, Les, it is a swimming meet, not a "swim meeting." Right Jennifer?
Jennifer: I I I think it probably could go both ways.
Bailey: And reporting that the swimmers swam in water is a bit unnecessary.
Jennifer: Oh, I don't know...
Bailey: And it's the breast stroke, Les, not "breast stroking."
Jennifer: That does sound wrong.
Les: I've got trouble in my life, Johnny.
Johnny: Yeah yeah, sure. You got enough money to feed yourself?
Les: Sure.
Johnny: Well, I don't. Could you loan me some money? Could you loan me some food?
Andy: What do you want to do? Do you want to sit at this desk and schedule commercials for the rest of your life?
Bailey: No. I thought I'd be in upper management.
Andy: What do you mean, you want Carlson's job?
Bailey: No. I thought I could have yours.
(She forgot to add, "I understand there aren't many qualifications." as Deanna Troi said to Riker.)
Andy: Now if you'll both excuse me, I've got to go bowling. It's just one of those things I can't get out of. I can't get anything done around here!!
Les: One more thing, Quarters. I want you here at 8:30 in the morning tomorrow. You're going to continue to do two newscasts a day until I decide... you can do more! Got that, Quarters?
Bailey: I got that, Nessman.
Les: Hit the road then, kids. News...people don't like sloppy emotional scenes.
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