Pilot
Preacher
Hoodlum Rock
Les on a Ledge
Bailey's Show
Hold-Up
Turkeys Away
Goodbye Johnny
Johnny Comes Back
Love Returns
I want to Keep my Baby
Fish Story
The Contest Nobody
Could Win
Momma's Review
A Date with Jennifer
Tornado
Young Master Carlson
Never Leave me, Lucille
A Commercial Break
I Do, I Do... For Now
Who is Gordon Sims |
Andy: $5000! The prize is not $5000! You read the memo wrong, it's $50.00! $5000 is the contest budget for the whole entire year!
Johnny: Oh. Sorry.
Mr Carlson, whining: $5000! $5000!!
Jennifer: Mr Carlson.
Mr Carlson: What?
Jennifer: You're being childish about this.
Mr Carlson: I am not. Boy, is this gonna make my momma mad.
Mr Carlson: Well, nobody's perfect. You're not perfect, I'm not perfect... Jennifer, maybe.
Jennifer: Mr Carlson, please listen to Andy!
Mr Carlson: No!
Jennifer: Do you want to lose 5000 buckie-wuckies?
Mr Carlson: Well, okay. But I wasn't acting like a baby.
Jennifer, in a baby voice: I know you weren't.
Bailey: I learned editing in journalism school.
Johnny: College graduate.
Venus: Well, you never went to college.
Johnny: Hey man, I went through Princeton!
Venus: I'll bet.
Johnny: I did. It was in a car. A squad car, actually. Very, very educational.
Johnny, laughing: I'm sorry, Mrs Klepner, but you're way off.
Mrs Klepner: Well, I'm not really up on today's music. I usually listen to another station.
Johnny, still laughing: That's a good idea, Mrs Klepner, thanks a lot, and better luck next time!
Andy: What are you laughing about? She got five out of six!
Johnny, still laughing: I know! We're in BIG trouble, man!!
Johnny, weakly: Congratulations, Mr Pasola, you've just won $5000.
Mr Pasola: Are you kidding?
Johnny, sounding as if he's dying: No, I'm not kidding... $5000...!!
Herb: The whole world is in revolution, and not just here, but everywhere. And you know who's at war?
Les: No.
Herb: It's the dungarees versus the suits, Les. The whole world is in two armed camps - over here, we have the dungarees, and over here the suits. Remember the riots from the sixties? It was the dungarees versus the suits. And then Watergate. Those guys arrested were wearing dungarees, and who suffered for it?
Les: The suits!
Herb: Exactly!
Les: But there were issues, Herb.
Herb: The issues, issues, were a smokescreen. Now listen. When a son disobeys his father, what's he wearing?
Les: The son? Uh... dungarees!
Herb: And what's the father got on?
Les: Probably a suit!
Herb: D'ya see what I mean, Les?
Les: Yeah!
Herb: And do you know what's worse?
Les: What?
Herb: The fathers are beginning to wear dungarees too!
Les: That's right!
Herb: And so are the mothers!
Les: It's just like "The Bodysnatchers"!
Les: Herb, do you know who I think is behind all this?
Herb: Who?
Les: Levi Strauss!
Herb: Could be.
Andy: He can't afford to pay it all at once, so he's gonna pay $12.50 a month until he gets it all paid off.
Mr Carlson: How many months is that?
Andy: 400.
Mr Carlson: What are we talking in years?
Andy: 33.
Mr Carlson: As manager of WKRP it gives me great pleasure to present you with this $5000 cash prize, to help pay the hospital expenses for your wife's (whispering) What's her operation for? (out loud) Ahem. For your wife's operation.
Suit-wearing Crook: WPRK is my favourite station. I listen to it all the time. How's that?
Herb: Can we fix that?
Les: Fix what?
The real Don Pasola, a jeans-wearing man: I figured you guys wouldn't be dumb enough to give out $5000 without asking for identification.
Mr Carlson, panicking: Travis! Travis, help me, Travis!!
Don Pasola: What's going on?
Herb: Well, the way I see it, there was this con man, y'see, and he knew about this whole thing, so he wanted to get here before you did. Well, to make a long story short, this man [Les] and I have just been fired.
Johnny, returning with the briefcase full of money: I think you owe me $12.50.
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