The Union
An Explosive Affair
Rumors
Straight from the Heart
Who's on First?
Three Days of the Condo
Jennifer and the Will
The Consultant
Love, Exciting and New
You Can't go out
of Town Again
Pills
Changes
Jennifer and Johnny's
Charity
I'll Take Romance
Fire
Dear Liar
Circumstantial Evidence
The Creation of Venus
The Impossible Dream
To Err is Human
Up and Down the Dial |
Momma Carlson to Andy: If you're going to grab me, do it nicely: in the back seat of my Rolls.
Andy: Let me show you how things work around here.
Momma: I think I've just seen how things work.
Momma: Knock it off, Andrew, I have a sense of humour! In fact, I'm known for my hearty guffaw. You know, I haven't had an amusing experience like this since, well, since I fired your predecessor.
Andy and Venus laugh nervously.
Andy: Just a little horseplay here, that's all.
Venus: Just two guys playing horse, boogedy boogedy!
Andy: You see Mrs Carlson, when I first came to Cincinnati, I had gotten kind of tired of packing and unpacking, town to town, up and down the dial.
Blooper! Andy knows Venus's real name, but in Who is Gordon Sims he didn't!
Andy: "Gordon Sims and the Sounds of the Night."
Venus: Hold it. I don't use my real name.
Andy: That's right, of course, nobody does, you shouldn't. What was the name you used in New Orleans?
Venus: The Duke of Funk.
Andy: The Duke of Funk. No, you need something a little more cosmic than that. Let me ask you. What's your sign?
Venus: Who wants to know?
Andy: What is your sign?
Venus: Libra.
Andy: Libra. No, that stinks.
Venus: It does not! It's a love sign, ruled by Venus.
Andy: That's it. That's perfect. Your new name is Venus.
Venus: Andy! I don't know how to tell you this, but Venus is a girl's name! You know that real white lady with no arms?
Andy: It has that cosmic feel to it.
Venus: Couldn't I have a cosmic name for a boy, like Pluto!
Andy: That's a dog's name.
Venus: Mercury.
Andy: That guy brings flowers. Now listen. What do you think of when you hear the name "Venus"?
Venus: Flytrap.
Andy: The plant that eats bugs? Don't be an idiot.
Jennifer, answering the phone: WKRP, soothing sounds for senior citizens.
Bailey: You were right Jennifer, he didn't even last till noon.
Jennifer: Oh Bailey, I hate to take your money...
Bailey: Okay. Boy, we finally get a chance to turn this mortuary around. I don't know why everybody is so scared of a little old lady. If she were my mother, I'd duke her out.
Momma, entering: Turn that off.
Bailey: Yes ma'am. (To Jennifer) She's not my mother.
Jennifer to Venus: You're probably looking for the dance studio upstairs.
Venus: I need to see my man.
Jennifer: Which man is yours?
Venus: I'm cool.
Jennifer: I'm sure you are.
Venus: I'm the new night-time DJ.
Jennifer: Oh dear.
Venus: I beg your pardon? I mean, say what?
Venus: But I don't know any of those people! How can I help?
Bailey: Oh, you'll scare the hell out of her!
Johnny: I changed my name this morning on the air. Now I'm ...
Herb, pointing to Venus: Foetus Claptrap!
Johnny: No, that's not it.
Les: Venus Flytrap!
Johnny: No, no... Professor something, I think!
Johnny: Brother Vibe? (reading his mug) Sunshine, Duke, Style, Cool, Midnight, No... Officer...? No, I would never do that!
Venus: It was Doctor Johnny Fever. I heard you this morning. You were great, man!
Johnny: Fever! I'd better write that down!
Andy: I just got through talking with Carlson, he is fully committed!
Venus: He should be - all of you should be!
Johnny: I'm Johnny... (forgetting his name again) I'll be right back.
Venus: Now that guy's great. He doesn't know his name, but he's still great.
Momma: You taught chemistry full-time. You worked at a radio station part-time. You love the classics, you've never been married. Your parents divorced when you were young, you were raised by your grandmother, and you play the accordian.
Andy, bursting out laughing: C'mon, you play the accordian?
Momma: And you, Mr Travis, collect baseball cards.
Andy: Well, there's nothing funny about that.
Momma: And you wet the bed until you were seven.
Venus: That is a mean little momma. Until you were seven!!!
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