Pilot | Herb: I have some good news. Lucille has gone to visit her mother for a week. Jennifer: Oh, that is good news! I'm sure she'll enjoy the rest. Herb: No, no no no, you don't understand. This is our big chance! I mean... my wife's out of town, no one would ever know if you and I... Jennifer: No. Herb: Why not? Jennifer: I have a headache, I have to wash my hair, my mother's in town, I'm engaged. Herb: What's this?
Herb: What's the big deal?! You try to sell time on this station to a sober client! It can't be done! Les: I don't know any women! There's Mrs Rombauer, the widow next door. Maybe she'd go with me. She's starting to lose her hair, too. Herb, demonstrating his technique: What do you say, beautiful? How bout you and me getting it together tonight? You only go around once in life, so why not grab a little gusto?
Bailey: She said yes, Herb.
Johnny: I'm telling you, free coffee is a constitutional right! Just look it up - Juan Valdez versus the state of California! Johnny, finding Les's toupee: Uh oh! Lester bought a little dog!
Bailey: What's he like on a date?
Les: Herb? Remember once telling me that you bet Jennifer had a round bed?
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