Daydreams

The Airplane Show
Jennifer Moves
Real Families
Hotel Oceanview
The Baby
Bah, Humbug
A Mile in My Shoes
Baby, It's Cold Inside
The Painting
Daydreams
Frog Story
Dr Fever and Mr Tide
Venus and the Man
Ask Jennifer
I am Woman
Secrets of Dayton Heights
Out to Lunch
A Simple Little Wedding
Nothing to Fear But...
Till Debt do us Part
Clean up Radio Everywhere

Many thanks to Jaime Weinman for these quotes. This is the only episode which I didn't get on tape!

Andy: You're being ridiculous, Mr. Carlson.
Mr. Carlson: I am being me.
Andy: No, you're not being you. Not the real you.
Mr. Carlson: The real me?
Andy: Yes! Born leader, good sportsman, the epitome of style and grace...
Mr. Carlson: C'mon, that doesn't describe me.
Andy: Uh, no, no it doesn't.

Mr. Carlson: Don't you realize the number-one fear of all Americans is the fear of speaking in front of a large group of people?
Andy: Yeah, I read that.
Mr. Carlson: The fear of death came in third.

Mr. Carlson: Jennifer, did Andy get you to say that?
Jennifer: Mr. Carlson, no one ever "gets" me to do anything.

Jennifer: Another good trick for conquering fear is to imagine your audience as completely naked.
Mr. Carlson: Really?
Jennifer, smiling: Uh-huh. (She leaves.)
Mr. Carlson: Naked. Good gravy. Well, I've got my 3-by-5 cards... (he stops, staring at Andy.)
Andy: What?
Mr. Carlson: Nothing.
Andy: Now wait a minute, were you...
Mr. Carlson: No! I swear. (he leaves quickly.)

Andy, introducing Carlson's speech: Ladies and gentlemen, the incredible Art Carlson!

Opening line of Mr. Carlson's speech: Radio. What is it? Where did it come from? And where is it going?

Herb's daydream: Herb as the dictator of a Latin-American country, with Jennifer as his mistress.
Jennifer: Oh, your highness, you are so kind, so giving, so strong, and I wouldn't want to cause you any more problems than you already have, but I think I might be very much in love with someone for the first time in my life.
Herb: It is possible that I, too, might be in love with someone... The Pope has again refused the divorce. Ricardo called me today from Rome; he says the situation is quite impossible.
Jennifer: I understand, your highness. Sometimes religion can be so inconvenient.
Herb: But we have tonight, and the night after.
Jennifer: Oh no, I have so much more than that. I have the memory of all these nights, and I'll hide them away under my pillow.

Jennifer's daydream: Jennifer as a 1930s movie star having a tete-a-tete with Cary Grant...until he turns into Les!
Les: I was wondering if you could pour something sticky all over me.

Mr. Carlson: ...And as Leo Tolstoy has said so well so many times: "Art should educate as well as entertain." And so should radio.
Les: Tolstoy said that about radio?
Mr. Carlson: N-no, Tolstoy said that about art; I added the part about radio.
Herb: That's interesting, because your name is Art.

Les's daydream: Les as a reporter in London in 1940, covering the blitz for CBS, with Bailey as his naïve assistant from the Women's Army Corps.
Les: This is London, on fire tonight as it has been for days. But while it is a city aflame, it is also a city unvanquished. Hitler has certainly made a terrible mistake, for here there is renewed determination. Even as we witness the unimaginable destruction and inhumanity below, we witness also the iron-will resolve of a people. That resolve is one flame that cannot be extinguished. This is Lester Nessman, high atop Westminster Abbey, saying goodnight to all America, from this valiant isle.

Bailey: You know, it's funny.
Les: What is?
Bailey: Oh, I hate this damn war. But I love it too, because it brought us together.
Les: Yes, I guess that is funny, in a way. Heh-heh.
Bailey: Les, when this whole thing is over, where will you and I be?
Les: Who knows? And who's to say it'll ever really be over? It's the Axis powers now, but after that? The Russian bear is a hungry one. Don't forget I said that.
Bailey: But what about us?
Les: Us? You crazy kid. Don't you realize that in this gone-mad cockamamie world, the lives of two people like us don't amount to a hill of beans. Even if I am the voice all the U.S.A. rushes home to hear every night. I suppose if America does go to war in Europe, it'll be because of what they've heard me say.
Bailey: And me?
Les: You're my driver.
Bailey, disappointed: Yes.
Les: Don't forget, Toots, at least we'll always have Paris.
Bailey: I've never been to Paris.
Les: I know. What I mean is, Paris will always be there.
Bailey: I see.

Les: All I know is, wherever brave men are spending their lives for freedom, I'll be there! Wherever internationally-known journalists are gathered for a drink, I'll be there! Wherever bombs are exploding, I'll be there!
(A bomb is heard falling toward where Les is standing; Les looks up and sees it)
Les: Wherever...

Bailey's daydream: Bailey as the President of the United States, with Johnny as her husband.
Johnny: I just don't think this reception is going to go well tomorrow. Here's your tea, darling. I swear, I think the last tenants took half the silver with them, and we have five hundred guests invited!
Bailey: Well, don't worry about it.
Johnny: Don't worry about it? Great. It's followed by a sit-down dinner for five hundred, don't worry about it. You know, I am doing my best to keep the social calendar together, and I just don't feel like you're giving me any help at all. Are you even listening to me?
Bailey, not listening: Huh? I'm sorry. I've got a lot of things on my mind.
Johnny: I know you do, darling. It's just that I feel so distant, so left out.
Bailey: Well, I'll make it up to you and the kids this weekend.
Johnny: Thank you.

Andy's daydream: Andy as a radio mafioso, commanding respect and fear from all the WKRP employees.
Andy: Jennifer, how is it I might help you?
Jennifer: It's Herb.
Andy: He's causing you a problem?
Jennifer: Every day it's the same thing. Bad puns, stupid sexist come-ons, ridiculous clothes. It's boring.
Andy: What is it that you want me to do?
Jennifer: I would like you to make Herb get off the planet.
Andy: All right. I'll talk to Herb; I'm sure he'll be only too glad to do me a favor.
Jennifer: Thank you, Andrew.
Andy: And perhaps, someday, you could do me a favor in return.
Jennifer: Ooh. That would be fun.

Venus's daydream: Venus as a standup comedian, with Johnny as a heckler.
Venus: Hey, what about this town, huh? I was in the casino last night, is that place crazy or what? And what about that Iran stuff? Is that a country or a joke? Thank you very much. And what about those airports? Are they somethin'?

Venus: Hey, what about that darn solar system, huh?
Johnny: Get off the earth!
Venus: Isn't it sad when cousins marry?
Johnny: That's a Martin Mull joke!
Venus: And it's still sad when cousins marry.
Johnny: I guess you're proof of that!
Venus: Sir, do I tell you how to do your job?
Johnny: Probably 'cause you don't know anything about that either!

Johnny's daydream: Johnny as a rock star, with Andy as his manager, Venus as his "Jamaican doctor," Jennifer and Bailey as groupies, Herb as an unidentified leather-wearing sleazeball, and Les as himself.
Announcer: And now, the star of our show, the incredible ART CARLSON!!
(Everyone leaves Johnny behind and starts applauding Mr. Carlson's speech.)

Herb: Spellbinding, Big Guy.
Mr. Carlson: You think so?
Bailey: Fascinating.
Les: Oh, Mr. Carlson, I hung on every word.
Venus: I don't know when I've heard a more interesting speech.
Johnny: Yeah, truly the Gettysburg address of radio. It's a guaranteed killer.

Mr. Carlson: Frankly, Andy, I think I stunned 'em.
Andy: Yeah, I think you did.

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