Frog Story

The Airplane Show
Jennifer Moves
Real Families
Hotel Oceanview
The Baby
Bah, Humbug
A Mile in My Shoes
Baby, It's Cold Inside
The Painting
Daydreams
Frog Story
Dr Fever and Mr Tide
Venus and the Man
Ask Jennifer
I am Woman
Secrets of Dayton Heights
Out to Lunch
A Simple Little Wedding
Nothing to Fear But...
Till Debt do us Part
Clean up Radio Everywhere

Johnny: Jennifer, do we have any aspirin?
Jennifer: We're out.
Johnny: Oh boy. How about morphine?

Herb: It's Bunny's frog.
Jennifer: Herb painted him pink.
Johnny: New hobby?
Herb: It was an accident. I didn't mean to. I was spraying and he just jumped in my way, you know how frogs'll do that sometimes, just sort of jump in your way.
Johnny: Pink's the wrong colour.

Les's news report: And finally, did you know that only a miraculous set of circumstances makes life here on Earth possible? For instance, the planet's size is just exactly right to hold our atmosphere. The atmosphere contains just enough oxygen to support life. And our distance from the sun is just perfect for the right temperature. Should there be even a trivial change in any of these conditions, all life here on Earth would certainly be obliterated in a matter of milliseconds. This is Les Nessman saying good day, and may the good news be yours.

Herb: He's not dead, he's just resting.
(Maybe Greenpeace is pining for the fjords.)

Herb: His name's Greenpeace, Les, and he's pink. So don't look at him and tell me he's pink, cuz I already told you he's pink, okay? I accidentally spray-painted him. There he is.
Les: Oooo. He's pink!

Andy: What's his name?
Herb: Greenpeace.
Andy: Looks like Pinkpeace.

Bailey: Well, he hasn't croaked yet, Herb, give him time.

Andy: Heard your news report this morning, Les. Better stop it.

Herb: I can't call in a podiatrist to see a frog. It'll make me look stupid.
Les: Herb, podiatrists take four years of medical training.
Bailey: Oh, call him, Herb, the frog is dying. Just pick up the phone and say, "Hi, my pink frog is dying and I would like you to come up here and take a look at his feet." I am sorry, I could not resist it!

Dr Honeyset: In medical school, all we ever did to frogs was cut them up. We never tried to save one. Let's go talk to the receptionist!

Dr Honeyset: People and their pets!
Johnny: You're telling me, that is the truth! This morning I think I'm dying, all anybody around here can think about is this frog, the pink frog. I'm a human being, you know! It's like in the movies y'know - you can waste the entire Confederate army, nobody cares - 395 000 guys deader'n doornails! But kill one collie, everybody collapses in grief!
Dr Honeyset: What's wrong with him?
Les: Schistosomaiasis.
Dr Honeyset: Really?
Johnny: What??

Johnny: I supposed if my throat was throbbing and I was eating flies, I'd get a little attention!

Herb: Venus, listen. How do you get paint off a frog?
Venus: Oh I don't know, how do you get paint off a frog?

Bailey: He's dead.
Herb: What?
Bailey: Greenpeace is dead. Look at him.
Herb: Let me see. I want a second opinion.
Les: He is dead, Herb.

Venus: Hi Herb. Hey look, I gotta go on the air but I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I didn't know Greenpeace, but I'm sure he was a fine frog. Hey, who's kidding who - he was a right-on frog! Well, I just wanted to say that, so try to hold up, be brave and keep being you.

Bunny: Hello new frog, welcome to my room. I think you're gonna like it here, but stay away from my daddy.

Les: Morning, John, you're looking much more your usual gray today.
Johnny: Yeah. No thanks to you, Les. Boy I tell you, you had me scared to death last night with that schistosomaiasis stuff, y'know. I left here, I went to a clinic and I talked to a doctor, and you know what he said? He told me I've got a cold! I'm coming down with a cold, not a big cold, just a little cold, y'know?
Les: John, do you realize how many mistakes doctors make each year?
Johnny: What?
Les: I've got a report right here about a doctor who sewed up his Timex® inside a patient. You see stories like that every day. Wildly incorrect diagnoses, wrong limbs being removed, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Johnny: What are you trying to tell me, Nessman?
Les: Do you realize how little doctors know? Wise up, John. Come to think of it, when somebody goes, usually the last person he was with was a doctor.

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