If a guy dates a girl who used to be a guy,
what does that make the guy who dates
the girl who used to be a guy?

Hotel Oceanview

The Airplane Show
Jennifer Moves
Real Families
Hotel Oceanview
The Baby
Bah, Humbug
A Mile in My Shoes
Baby, It's Cold Inside
The Painting
Daydreams
Frog Story
Dr Fever and Mr Tide
Venus and the Man
Ask Jennifer
I am Woman
Secrets of Dayton
Heights

Out to Lunch
A Simple Little Wedding
Nothing to Fear But...
Till Debt do us Part
Clean up Radio


Les: And so, in summary, this German piggy went to the common market. This Chinese piggy stayed home. This Soviet piggy had turkey. Our American piggy had none. This is Les Nessman saying wee wee wee all the way home.

Johnny: There's rumours flying all over town, y'know - you, Andy, Herb, just slippin' down to Dayton there in some sleazy hotel room. I don't want to say anything, it's none of my business, but my feeling is these love triangles never work out.

Johnny, at breakneck speed: You can rest assured that for the duration of your sojourn I will play nothing but mellowed-out drug-induced Hindu music, with just a few of the Christian neo-acid rock tunes thrown in - they're coming into vogue now. Fever in the forefront, bearing proudly the banner of KRP. You can rest assured nothing to worry, nothing to worry about, sir. Jennifer, I love you. I want to father your children, let's take a long lunch and discuss it, okay?

Mickey the bartender: Who's your client?
Herb: Vicki von Vicki.
Mickey: How drunk do you want her to be?

Herb: Trust me, Big Guy, just trust me. I charm Nicky, Nicky gets us in with Vicky.
Andy: You're sleazy.
Herb: I'm smart.
Nicky: I'm ready.
Herb: Let's go. (to Andy and Mr Carlson) Trust me, we are home free.
Andy: You're dead if you're not back in ten minutes.
Herb: Ten minutes? That's about right.

Nicky: Herb? Can I be frank?
Herb: You can be whoever you want.

Mr Carlson: You got the time, Mickey?
Mickey: Yep.
Mr Carlson: Could you give me the time, Mickey?
Mickey: Yes.
Mr Carlson: What time is it?
Mickey: 7:35, Art.
Mr Carlson: Thank you, Mickey.
Mickey: My pleasure, Art.

Mr Carlson: Andy, be careful. Dayton can be nasty after dark.
Andy: I understand.
Mr Carlson: Well, I care about you.
Andy: And I care about you too, Mr Carlson. But we gotta stop talking this way in front of Mickey.

Nicky: C'mon Herb, don't you remember me? Nick Sinclair. Class of '64.
Herb, after a long pause: Yeah. Nick.

Mr Carlson: Where have you been?
Andy: Looking for a [slide projector] bulb in Dayton! What the hell's goin' on?
Herb, stunned: Nicky's a man, and I kissed him on the lips! Mickey's a poisoner who shoots people!

Vicki, walking in: I'm Vicki von Vicki, who are you? And why are you praying in the dark?

Andy showing slides: I have no idea where that pornographic slide came from. Now this, of course, is my trip to Jamaica...

Jennifer: So, is Vicki von Vicki a client?
Andy: I don't think she's going to sue, if that's what you mean.

Johnny: Morning, AC. Trip successful?
Mr Carlson: She's not going to sue us, if that's what you mean.

(Note: Herb's quote at the top of the page was cut from the syndicated version; my apologies if I am remembering it incorrectly.)

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