Baby It's Cold Inside

The Airplane Show
Jennifer Moves
Real Families
Hotel Oceanview
The Baby
Bah, Humbug
A Mile in My Shoes
Baby, It's Cold Inside
The Painting
Daydreams
Frog Story
Dr Fever and Mr Tide
Venus and the Man
Ask Jennifer
I am Woman
Secrets of Dayton Heights
Out to Lunch
A Simple Little Wedding
Nothing to Fear But...
Till Debt do us Part
Clean up Radio Everywhere

Jennifer: You know, of course, that liquor is not allowed at the station.
Johnny: Yeah.
Jennifer: And I think it's against FCC regulations.
Johnny: Yeah? So's freezing to death.

Jennifer on her shoes: I got these at Hoffman's department store last week.
Johnny: Hoffman's? Where's that?
Jennifer: In Dallas.
Johnny: Oh yes, Dallas.
Jennifer: You know, I've seen this particular design before in Cincinnati.
Johnny, stroking her foot: Me too.
Jennifer: Which I am mad about.
Johnny, dreamily: Me too...
Jennifer: But I have never before seen it in this particular colour.
Johnny, still stroking her foot: Me neither. Why don't we toast this particular colour?
Jennifer: Alrighty. To pale grey.
Johnny: Pale grey it is. (He takes a swig of brandy. Momma Carlson walks by the window and Johnny chokes.)
Jennifer, who didn't see Momma: Don't you just love pale grey?
Johnny, still choking: Yeah.

Johnny: I guess I should give your shoe back.
Jennifer: Noooo, you keep it as a souvenir.
Johnny: A souvenir? I love it! (He strokes the shoe against his face)
Jennifer: You know what?
Johnny: No, what?
Jennifer: I feel so warm.
Johnny: Aw, me too, Jennifer, me too. (He takes a drink and sees Momma at the window again.) As a matter of fact, I'm starting to sweat.

Momma Carlson: Arthur tells me he's at his desk every morning at seven.
Jennifer: Ha!! (after a pause) What a laugh. He's here every day at six!

Momma, drinking Johnny's brandy: Good Lord, where does Fever get this stuff?
Jennifer: I think at a hardware store.
Momma: I really gave him a good scare, didn't I?
Jennifer: Johnny? Maybe just a little.
Momma: Nice to know I haven't lost my touch.
Jennifer: Oh Mrs Carlson, you could never do that.
Momma: I don't scare you, though, do I?
Jennifer: What a lovely coat!

Momma: Jennifer, just how much is my son really paying you?
Jennifer: All things considered, not nearly enough.

Johnny: Well, I guess since you're drinking, it's all right if I drink.
Momma: I don't work here.
Johnny, pouring the brandy hastily back into the bottle: That's a good point! Good point! What a shame that you don't, ma'am, many's the time I've said that...

Andy: Heat, there's no heat!
Johnny: No Iphindi(?), no heat! It's because Mr Carlson's mother is here. She walks in, everything freezes. She is the Ice Queen! She has powers beyond any mortal woman!

Momma on first meeting her late husband: He congratulated me on my magnificent performance, and I congratulated him on his magnificent shoulders.

Momma: You know, I think I'll just buzz the booth and tell Mr Fever he's still got a job.
Jennifer: Oh, that's nice. But d'ya think you ought to do it right away?

Jennifer: Andy! Let's see the boy, give us a spin!

Momma to Andy: So you're a cowboy.

Andy: Where you going?
Herb: If Jennifer's drunk, I gotta take my shot.
Andy: Listen Herb, you fool around with Jennifer today and you're a dead man.
Herb: Do you mean killed or merely fired?
Andy: A dead man.
Herb: Oh. Well. Hell.

Andy: I just had this very strange conversation with Mrs Carlson in which, and I'm not kidding, she put her hand on my knee. (Bailey and Venus exchange amused looks) My right knee! What do you say to that?
Venus: Gee Andy, I don't know what to say!
Andy: She kept calling me cowboy!
Venus: Cowboy? Ooo Andy, sounds seeerious!
Les, entering: What's serious?
Bailey: Mr Carlson's mother touched Andy's person!
Les, distressed: Where??
Venus: What we call the knee.
Les: Why??
Bailey: Because Les, she's been drinking, and I guess Andy tried to make a move!

Herb: You know, this is so unfair. I can't go see Jennifer, but you can get it on with Mr Carlson's mother.
Andy: Les, you hold me back before I kill him. (Les leaves)

Listen to the couch squeak as Les sits down...!

Herb: Mother Carlson, how nice to see you, what a lovely surprise!
Momma: Down, boy.
Herb: Yes, ma'am.
Les: See Mrs Carlson, no walls. I put the tape where walls should be. To me, these are walls.
Momma: Why Les, that's positively insane! I adore it!
Les: I don't understand.
Momma: Well, a person who thinks he has walls is infinitely more interesting than one who does! I mean, why be cooped up with walls when you could have tape? It's ingenious!

Momma: I want some music!
Herb: I'll do it, let me do it, let me do it, let me do it! (He turns on the speaker and snaps his fingers.) Music.
Momma, holding her ears: Turn that off! That's not music!
Herb: No ma'am.
Momma: Sit down!
Herb: Yes ma'am.
Momma: What's wrong with you?
Herb: I don't know. Must have gone crazy there for a second.

Momma: Gershwin. Do you know of him?
Johnny: Yeah.
Momma: Play him.
Johnny: On the air?! (Momma nods, Johnny shakes his head)
Momma: Weren't you drinking this morning? (Johnny nods) Want me to forget about it? (Vigorous nodding) Do you know how business deals are struck in this country? (Johnny nods) Will you play Gershwin for me? (Johnny shakes his head) Have you enjoyed working in this hemisphere? (Johnny nods)

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