I Want to Keep my Baby

Pilot
Preacher
Hoodlum Rock
Les on a Ledge
Bailey's Show
Hold-Up
Turkeys Away
Goodbye Johnny
Johnny Comes Back
Love Returns
I want to Keep my Baby
Fish Story
The Contest Nobody
Could Win
Momma's Review
A Date with Jennifer
Tornado
Young Master Carlson
Never Leave me, Lucille
A Commercial Break
I Do, I Do... For Now
Who is Gordon Sims

Johnny, sleepily: The time is 6:07 in the morning, and it's time for this message.
Commercial: Wouldn't a delicious, ice-cold beer taste particularly good right now? Sure it would!
Johnny: Sure it would.

Johnny: "Weisenheidle." Look for the smiling face of the Arch-Duke Ferdinand on every bottle.

Johnny to the baby: Have you had breakfast yet? I've got some coffee and nachos. (Searches his pockets) How about a breath mint?

Les: Look what we have here, Mr Carlson. It's a baby!
Mr Carlson: Thanks, Les.
Herb: It's Johnny's. He got some girl in trouble.
Jennifer: We don't know that.
Herb: He's a DJ. You know how those people live.
Mr Carlson: If this is Johnny's baby, what's it doing in my office?
Jennifer: Because this is the quietest room in the station. Nothing ever goes on here.

Herb: I'm very good with children. Oogy boogy boogy boogy!
Baby: WAAAAA!!!
Herb leaves, the baby stops crying. Herb sticks his head back in.
Baby: WAAAAA!!!
Herb leaves, the baby stops crying.
Andy: That's a smart kid!

Johnny: You're the station manager. I guess she's your baby. What do you plan to do about a college education?

Venus: Time to get the funk out your face, Cincinnati!

Johnny: I want to keep my baby!
Mr Carlson advances on him, and Johnny makes a defensive move with his hands.
Johnny, to the baby: I'm sorry you had to see that.

Jennifer: Hello. (Goes to her desk)
Woman Child Welfare Worker: Where is the child?
Jennifer: The child?
Man Child Welfare Worker: You were going to get the baby!
Jennifer: Oh, the baby. See, you said "the child." There's really quite a difference, you know. Children are much bigger than babies, for one.
Andy: What?
Venus, entering from Mr Carlson's office, carrying the baby basket covered in a sheet: Laundry man, laundry man, yessir, I'm comin' through! Got to get the laundry now! I knows how you folks like your things fresh and white!
MCWW: What was that?
Andy: What was that all about?
Jennifer: That was de laundry man.

Johnny: I'm so sorry, the baby ... left.

WCWW: Jip(??), find out what's going on here.
MCWW: What's going on here?

Johnny: There's no baby here! Why don't you come back in nine months, we'll see if we can come up with something for you.

MCWW finds a drawer full of dirty diapers.
Mr Carlson, sliding the drawer closed, shamefully: They're mine.

Jennifer: I had my date drive me over. He's down in the car.
Johnny: Well, why don't you invite him on up?
Jennifer: Oh no, give him a chance to cool off a little. Besides, I don't think he's allowed to climb stairs.

Les, carrying a huge bear: I had to bring this all the way across town on my motor-scooter. By the way, Johnny, there's a long black car outside with a small man in the back seat. He keeps beating on the window with his cane.
Jennifer: Oh. I think I'd better go.

Johnny: That was going out especially for Peggy, who should call the Doctor right away about the Basket Case.

Johnny plays a record at the wrong speed, then restarts it: And now, the long version.

Mr Carlson: I have an important meeting in my office. If you locate those important papers, you just bring 'em right on in. Hold all my phone calls.
Jennifer: Yes, sir.
Mr Carlson: I'll be right in here. By myself.
WCWW: Does he usually have meetings with himself?
Jennifer: Yes, all the time.

Johnny: This next cut is going out especially for Peggy. She's out on the road now, so I don't suppose she can hear my voice, but Peggy left me a little gift, and I never thanked her for it, and I should have, because it made me awfully happy. And I've passed it on to two other people, and it made them even happier. So we all thank you, Peggy, and we worry about you, but don't you worry, because everything is okay back here in Cincinnati.

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