Rumors

The Union
An Explosive Affair
Rumors
Straight from the Heart
Who's on First?
Three Days of the Condo
Jennifer and the Will
The Consultant
Love, Exciting and New
You Can't go out
of Town Again
Pills
Changes
Jennifer and Johnny's
Charity
I'll Take Romance
Fire
Dear Liar
Circumstantial Evidence
The Creation of Venus
The Impossible Dream
To Err is Human
Up and Down the Dial

Johnny: Hey Travis, when everybody's out to get you, paranoid is just good thinking!

Herb: Whatever it is, I didn't do it. And even if I did do it, I don't think I have to answer to you for it.

Johnny: You remember a couple of years ago?
Herb, after a pause: Yeah.

Johnny: You said if you could ever return the favour, you would.
Herb: I was lying.
Johnny: Aren't you ashamed of having the ethics of a fungus?
Herb: Nope.

Herb: You're a woman, he's a man!
Bailey: Don't be an animal, Herb!
Herb: I call 'em the way I see 'em.

Les: I'm shocked.
Bailey: I'm amazed.
Herb: I'm stunned.
Mr Carlson: Well I guess everything's normal here.

Johnny, offering Bailey cereal: Want some vitamin-enriched bits of cardboard?

Bailey: I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Johnny: Whaddya mean old dog?
Bailey: It's a figure of speech, there's no dog involved.

Johnny: It's like cold steel through the lower intestines. This is truly the morning of the long knives for John Caravella. First it's the 2 a.m. slot, then it'll be two in the afternoon, then I'll be doing Sunday morning interviews with psychics who work for the water department.

Bailey: You are on your vacation. You are here in my apartment. It's "Early Cute" I know, but I like it. Enjoy your stay here! Enjoy your life. Go for walks, read! Take a second and note the beauty that's around you. See it, feel it! (stroking his hair) Reach out and touch that beauty! Take advantage of your situation! You gotta go for it, John! Now, I've got to go and put some clothes on.

Jennifer, contemplating the renovations to the lobby: Visitors will be very impressed until they talk to someone.

Bailey to Herb: Continuity is so important. Thank you for always being a jerk.

Rex bumps into Bailey.
Bailey: Sorry.
Rex: I liked it. Feel free to touch me anytime.

Rex: I'll be around.
Venus: Thanks for the warning.

Andy: All DJs are crazy.
Venus gives him a LOOK.

Bailey: If that's what they think is going on here, if they wanna indulge in their petty little rumours, let's let them.
Johnny: Really?
Bailey: Really! Let's give them their money's worth!
Johnny: Excuse the drool here, I'm with you Bailey, I really am!
Bailey: Tomorrow at the office I'll tell them that something really did go on here tonight.
Johnny: Good. That's really good. Why be punished for something we haven't even done yet?
Bailey: Let's give them exactly what they want!
Johnny: Let's!
Bailey: I'm gonna do it, too!
Johnny: Me too!
Bailey: Good night!
She goes into her bedroom and closes the door.
Johnny: Lizards or no lizards, I'm going home!

Herb: That's Fever's T-shirt!
Bailey: Oh I don't know... I just grabbed the first thing when I got out of bed this morning. I was naked, Herb, and this was on the bed, so I put it on. You have to have something to keep you warm. Hi Les! You know what I mean?
Mr Carlson: Do you know what she means?
Jennifer: Yes I do, Mr Carlson, and it's very personal. It has to do with rumours and romance, and, I'm sorry, sex.

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