Johnny: Need I remind you that I have two growing ex-wives to support?
Venus: I can do TV. I've done it. Not often, but I did it.
Johnny: Yeah? Whaddja do?
Venus, quietly: A kiddie show.
Bailey: A what?
Venus: A kiddie show.
Johnny: Uncle Venus!
Venus: No, I was ... Sailor Ned.
Venus: Wow, this is nice!!
Johnny: Well, it's just a dressing room, man, I mean, you don't think the Doctor's gonna be bought out by a dressing room... with a fully stocked bar!!
Johnny: Disco suits!
Avis: Yeah!
Johnny: I'm supposed to wear these?
Avis: Yeah!
Johnny: What if people are eating while they're watching?
Johnny: I mean, disco is dead, thank God.
Johnny: Avis, I don't do disco. It's like the man says, "It's gotta be rock'n'roll music if you wanna dance with me."
Johnny: Looks like it's time for "Gotta Walk."
Herb: I was on TV once, coast to coast. "Real Families," remember that?
Jennifer: That's right, Herb - you were a national disgrace, this is only
local.
Herb: Right.
Reactions to the opening of "Gotta Dance":
Mr Carlson: Good gravy!
Bailey: Puke!
Jennifer: Amazing!
Venus: I don't believe it.
Herb: I don't either. I mean, imagine Johnny quitting and giving up all that money.
Jennifer: Herb - that is Johnny.
Herb: I knew that.
Jennifer: Well, he doesn't know whether he's Dr Johnny Fever or this new Rip Tide person, who, by the way, kisses (demonstrates) instead of shaking hands.
Johnny as Rip Tide: My wink is my word, diggez-vous?
Les: And on the commodities exchange, hogs again took a mysterious stumble, as soybeans and wheat made a shocking comeback.
Johnny: Last night, I'm sitting around the pad, you know, not doing much of anything, I'm just...
Les: Me too.
Johnny: Hmm?
Les: That's what I was doing last night also.
Johnny: So I'm not doing much -
Les: Actually I did do some ironing.
Johnny: Good. Now as I was saying, I'm just sitting around the pad, not doin' much of anything you know, then all of a sudden I have this idea. What if I slipped into one of Rip's outfits and just went out and cruised a couple of clubs, you know - checked out some bars?
Les: You should have called me! We'd have fun together!
Johnny: No doubt about it Les. Anyway...
Herb: If the guy is turning into another person, so be it. I say, let's help him. Andy: Well, he'll snap outa that.
Les: Or get worse! Maybe he'll develop more personalities!
Mr Carlson: Good! Maybe we'll find one that plays what he's supposed to!
Andy: I don't think there's anything seriously wrong with Johnny.
Les: That's because you've been in Columbus.
Andy: I like Columbus.
Les: Okaaaaayyy...
Mr Carlson: Wait a minute. Herb's right?
Andy: Mm-hmm.
Mr Carlson: I'll be darned.
Johnny: I don't want - him - up here.
Herb: What are you talking about?
Johnny: The guy is a creep, Herb!
Herb: Tide's you!
Johnny: No he's not!
Herb: Then who is he?
Johnny: Well he's a - TV guy.
Andy: Well, he's a "TV guy" that we could use here.
Johnny: Doing what?
Herb: How about the morning drive time?
Johnny: That's Fever's slot!
Herb: To hell with him!
Johnny: WHAT??
Herb: Sorry - I forgot who I was talking to.
Andy: I was suggesting maybe, like a one-man team. You know, you and the Rip.
Johnny: I work alone, Andy.
Andy: But you would be working alone, Johnny.
Mr Carlson: No he wouldn't - it'd be him and the Rip.
Andy: He is the Rip!
Mr Carlson: Oh! Yeah, sorry.
Johnny: Rip is difficult to be around.
Herb: I like him.
Johnny: He's a jerk, Herb. No offense.
Herb, confused: None taken.
Johnny: He doesn't like my apartment, he doesn't like the food I serve him - he doesn't like the way I live, you know. I'll tell you what he does like though. He likes young girls - I mean really young girls. I've tried to talk to him about this, but he just won't listen! And you know why? Cuz the guy is no good. And as a jock he's a rank amateur. He can barely tell the difference between Carl Perkins and Elvis Presley! And I'll tell you something else, too - I don't like talking about the guy behind his back, y'understand??
Andy: I just wanted to say that it was the Program Director in me talking - it wasn't me.
Herb: John, same here, it wasn't Herb talking, it was the Sales Manager.
Mr Carlson: Well, I guess all eight of us are in agreement.
Jennifer: Johnny?
Johnny as Rip Tide: Yeah, you know him! The guy's a lameoid! He's going nowhere, I mean he's got no direction in his life!
Jennifer: I like him.
Johnny: Oh come on, really?
Jennifer: He's my friend.
Johnny: Don't jive me, honey.
Jennifer: And I will not have my friends talked about that way.
Johnny: Well, you never really liked him.
Jennifer, after a pause: Yes - I really liked him.
Johnny, after another, longer pause: We'll take him out to lunch - pick up
a few pointers.
Jennifer: Stop it, John - just stop it.
Johnny as Johnny: Okay. (as Rip) I'll give it a try. (as Johnny) It's not
easy (as Rip) working in close quarters.
Johnny as Rip, onstage: Now you all know that a record's gotta have three things for me to put it on a turntable. It's gotta have a beat, right?
Audience: Right!
Johnny: And it's gotta have soul, right?
Audience: Right!
Johnny: And it's gotta be paid for, right?
Audience: Huh? What? Kid: Why don't you shut up and play the Village People?
Johnny: Jam it, pizza face.
Johnny: Okay, it is called "Gotta Dance" here, so we gotta dance. Boys dance with boys, girls dance with girls. How about it? (outcries of dismay) C'mon boys and girls, I wanna tell you, when you grow up you'll find there comes a time when you (as Johnny) gotta dance. But nobody says you can't pick good music.
He puts on some good music, the kids start dancing, and, as Johnny, he blows Avis a kiss and walks off the stage.Don't forget the final closing scene where he steals all the bottles from the bar!! :-)
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