God must really hate mobile homes... They get very mobile.

Tornado

Pilot
Preacher
Hoodlum Rock
Les on a Ledge
Bailey's Show
Hold-Up
Turkeys Away
Goodbye Johnny
Johnny Comes Back

Love Returns
I want to Keep my Baby
Fish Story
The Contest Nobody
Could Win

Momma's Review
A Date with Jennifer
Tornado
Young Master Carlson
Never Leave me, Lucille
A Commercial Break
I Do, I Do... For Now
Who is Gordon Sims


Herb, reading: "What to do in case of an enemy attack in Cincinnati." Who's going to attack us, Dayton?
Les: Maybe.
Herb: Well, if they come down here, we'll kick their butts.

Mr Carlson: Les, the Japanese are our allies now. As news director, I can't expect you to pick up on little things like that.

Interpreter: I was hired to interpret for a group of Spanish-speaking visitors. In my opinion, these people are not Spanish. Watch this. (He speaks in Spanish; no reaction from the Japanese men.) See? In my country, that would be a fistfight!

Interpreter: There's been a mistake. Somewhere in Cincinnati a bunch of chiropractors from Ecuador are being taken around by Akila Yamagucci!

Mr Carlson: Wait a minute. I learned a little Japanese when I was in the Marines. Let me think about this... The accent may be off. (He speaks in Japanese; all the Japanese men put their hands up.) Oh boy.

Mr Carlson: Gentlemen, this is a disc jockey.
Japanese man: Discuh jockey?
Mr Carlson: Right. You got it.
Johnny: Disc jockey.
Japanese man, looking at Johnny's eye: Ooo. Discuh jockey.
(All the Japanese men whip out sanitary masks and cover their mouths.)

Johnny: Look man, I've been in jail in Mexico. My father called me what's-his-face for seventeen horrifying years. My second wife tried to kill me with a Ronco Vegematic! ... My mother and I were in a tornado once. We were in a mobile home. And I think God must really hate mobile homes, Andy, cuz tornadoes always attack them first. They get very mobile.

Johnny, crashing full-tilt into the wall: The wall's moved, the wall's moved!
Jennifer: Johnny, the other way!

Mr Carlson: Let's get him out of here, away from that window! (They move Andy to Herb's desk)
Jennifer:
You are not supposed to move an injured person!
Mr Carlson: Son of a gun, she's right! Let's put him back! (They do.)

Herb: Mouth to mouth with another guy?
Jennifer: Herb!
Herb: I mean, I like Andy, you know, but I don't think I should...

Herb: You know mouth-to-mouth?
Jennifer: I know all sorts of things.

Herb: Why him? Why couldn't that be me??

Mr Carlson: You okay, Andy? You okay? Say something. ... Oh!
Herb: What'd he say?
Mr Carlson: "Don't stop."

Andy, stunned: There's no place like home... There's no place like home...

Johnny: Andy, what happened?
Jennifer: Oh, we had a little accident, but he's just fine now. Aren't you, Andy?
Andy: Sure. Listen, has anybody seen my little dog?
Mr Carlson: Andy, it's all over. Nobody was killed. Isn't that wonderful?
Andy, in a sing-song voice: Hello!

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