Who's on First?

The Union
An Explosive Affair
Rumors
Straight from the Heart
Who's on First?
Three Days of the Condo
Jennifer and the Will
The Consultant
Love, Exciting and New
You Can't go out
of Town Again
Pills
Changes
Jennifer and Johnny's
Charity
I'll Take Romance
Fire
Dear Liar
Circumstantial Evidence
The Creation of Venus
The Impossible Dream
To Err is Human
Up and Down the Dial

Jennifer: Johnny! Johnny Johnny Johnny Johnny Johnny! I'll give you $20 to get rid of these guys. (Guys applying for Herb's job)
Johnny: $20??
Jennifer: All right, 30.
Johnny: It's interesting you should mention money, Jennifer...
Jennifer: What's it worth to you?
Johnny: $562.16. I got into a friendly little poker game.
Jennifer: Silly me, if I lent you money I would never be able to respect you again.
Johnny: I could live with that.
Jennifer: I couldn't
Johnny: Well, let's examine this word "respect" ...

Andy: I find myself in the very unusual position of telling you that you were not wrong about this. (A glare from Mr Carlson) No offence.

Johnny: Les, how many years have we been working here, and we never take the time to just shoot the bull.
Les, suspiciously: What bull?
Johnny: Talk, chat, converse! You know!
Les: Oh, rap!

Les: Last night I was feeling completely alone in the cosmos. An insignificant speck in the sandbox of time. Which is unusual for me, Johnny. I'm generally a pretty "up" fellow.
Johnny: I'll say.
Les: But I remembered what Mother Nessman said to do when frustrated, and so, I beat my rugs. Every night this week I've beaten my rugs. They're very clean.
Johnny: Fascinating, Les.

Pat the concert promoter, to "Herb": Oh so this your Jennifer?
Jennifer: I beg your pardon?
Pat: Oh Herb's told me all about you.
Jennifer: Impossible.
Pat: You're a lucky man, Herb!

Pat: All right, listen, it's safer if we just settle this down here. I can't take another bust!
Mr Carlson: Bust?
Jennifer: Arrest.
Mr Carlson: Arrest? Wait a minute, what's going on here?
Pat: Shh! Look, look. The contract you sent me is fine, right? I've got a cheque for the whole $9000. The problem is your, uh, special fee.
Mr Carlson: Fee?
Jennifer: Kickback.
Pat: I'm worried this guy Carlson isn't as dumb as you say!
Mr Carlson: Dumb?!
Jennifer: Gullible.

Pat on Herb and Jennifer's affair: Isn't Mrs Tarlek at all suspicious?
Mr Carlson: I don't think so. 'Course, I only see her once or twice a year.

Pat to "Mr Carlson": I understand you've been bitten by the fishing bug.
Les: Where?
Mr Carlson: That means you like to fish.
Les: But I don't!
Jennifer: Well Mr Carlson, then we'll just get rid of all these stuffed fish. Why don't we all sit down?
Les, looking around: Oh yes - I fish.

Jennifer: Don't apologize to me, apologize to Herb.
Les: I would if he were here.
Mr Carlson: I am.
Les: Oh, I'm sorry!
Mr Carlson: Don't mention it.

Andy: Now wait just a minute, I hate to interrupt here -
Thug: Then don't.
Andy: OK.

Mr Carlson: Jennifer, in a little while when I'm happy again because we've made a sale, remind me what's been said about me and by whom. A certain little salesman I know is going to suffer.

Andy: It's nice to see the sales department is running like a well-oiled machine. Good work, "Herb."
Mr Carlson, casting an eye on the thug: Just doin' my job, Johnny.
He exits and the thug slowly advances on Andy

Johnny to the real Herb: You've got Les's job. It's kinda confusing.
Herb: Carlson gave his word!
Johnny: Which one?
Herb: Which word?
Johnny: Which Carlson?

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